Author: misura (misuran@yahoo.com)
Fandom: X/1999
Pairing: Seishirou/Subaru
Rating: pg
Notes: Drabble-ish shortie.

  Seishirou enjoys leaving Subaru.

He savors the mixture of relief and regret that he sees in Subaru's eyes as their gazes meet one last time before he turns away. On occasion, he wonders if he'd see either emotion winning out, were he ever to look back.

Looking back would be a sign of weakness though.

Thus, his curiosity remains unsatisfied. He can live with that just fine, really.

Sometimes, Subaru doesn't have the strength, or the will, to keep his eyes open. On those days, Seishirou's pleasure in leaving is robbed a little of its usual glow.

Of course, what's happened before he goes away on such days is more than ample compensation.

There seem to be more than a hundred ways in which Subaru can please him, can make him feel something that lifts him from the drabness of his day-to-day existence. Not love, obviously, but a sort of emotion that makes Seishirou place a certain value on Subaru. Enough not to kill him.

Only rarely their parting is accompanied by any words. Seishirou knows that Subaru already knows all the words he'll ever say to him. Which doesn't keep him from repeating them every now and then, for remembrance.

Subaru may have begged him to stay, once or twice. Yet he's also begged him to depart, more often than that. Neither of the pleas held any meaning to Seishirou; in the end, they may well have meant the same, and it makes no difference to him anyway. He'll do what he wants.

After each carefully staged and acted-out meeting, he wants to leave, to walk away and prove to Subaru that everything he has ever said to him is true.

Seishirou doesn't love Subaru.

To Seishirou, Subaru is a mere diversion, a toy, a way to entertain and amuse himself.

He'll be counting the days to their next encounter.  

Get yourself free