Title: Choices
Author: Kait
Rating: PG
Summary: A metaphorical sort of exit, in a way.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Notes: Major OotP spoilers.


Choices

"You have two choices." Sirius Black blinked and forced his eyes open. He was cold. Very cold. And rapidly warming to a comfortable temperature. But that wasn't the peculiar thing. The peculiar thing was... he should be dead.

He looked down. Still corporal.

"Uh..." It was rather unflattering, a stupid sort of rumbley noise. The Man seated (seated?) across from him (and where did this tea table come from?) didn't seem to notice.

"You have two choices. That was the first." Sirius didn't have much time to ponder what "that" even referred to, as he was too busy taking in the silver tea set and the beautiful yard he was seated in. Gardenias and tulips and hyacinth and a dozen other flowers he couldn't quite identify were growing in the gardens lining the large lawn. The grass was a perfect green, the sky was a perfect blue, there were just the right number of fluffy clouds, and the air was just the right temperature.

"Huh..." Again, not a wonderful follow up to his first verbose utterance, but it was hard to vocalize exactly what was running through his head. He closed his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts. "Rather... uh... What was that? And what do you mean by two choices?" He opened his eyes again to get a better look at his companion. He looked proper enough, wearing a light brown three-piece suit and a dashing hat. Young, younger than Sirius, but at the same instant, timeless. He was sipping his tea as if nothing was at all out of the ordinary.

If this was heaven, it was nothing like he pictured it would be.

"That," The Man gestured vaguely. "Was your death. Dreadful ordeal. It wasn't quite fair, if you ask me. You weren't even hit by a killing curse. But I'm not the one who makes those sort of choices. Anyway, that was your death. And also, one of your two choices." He placed his teacup down gently and refilled it. Sirius frowned at the silver. He tried to use it as little as possible, even when Remus was miles - or in this case, worlds - away. "And as for the other choice. Well, that would be the opposite of death. Or, more appropriately, the reversal."

"Wait!" Sirius couldn't help but interrupt. This was just confusing him more and more as time went on. "So... hold on. I can live again?"

"Not again," The Man clarified. "It will be as if you've never died." Sirius blinked. "I think... yes, let me explain. And show you. Because it's not quite as easy as it sounds, you see." The Man (was he really a man?) cleared the teapot and creamer off of a large silver tray sitting on the table. He waved his hand over it and after glowing a faint blue color, it began to display... images? Familiar images. The battle Sirius had just fought (or had he? it was so bloody confusing!). He watched as Bellatrix stunned him and he fell beyond the veil. But it didn't end there. Harry ran over, crying out his name. Remus stopped him. Curses still flew back and forth... "You know as well as anyone that a war has started. The side that you were on... it's destined to win, with the right support." Now it was sometime later and Harry was in Dumbledore's office... now back to Remus, drinking alone in his decrepit flat. "Your death, I'm sorry to say, is rather inconsequential in the long run. They can both win and lose without you, just as they could have both won and lost with you. But just the same, you weren't quite ready to be killed yet." Now the children were back in Hogwarts, there was Harry playing Quidditch, and Hagrid stumbling in, bleeding, his whole left side badly broken, and Dumbledore lecturing the students and the hall was done, once again, in the blacks and grays he remembered from his school days during the first war. He took a sharp breath.

"What do you mean?" It didn't quite sound as if it came from him. The voice sounded foreign to his ears and he wasn't aware of having spoken.

"What I mean is that you weren't meant to die yet. And even though your death does not wholly effect what is to come in one way or another, The Creators have decided that you deserve a chance to choose your fate. Compensation, of sorts, for mucking it up in the first place." And another brutal battle. Kingsley was hit with the killing curse and Tonks was crying and Harry tried to nurse an injured Ginny Weasley. "But there's... well, a catch to this all." Dumbledore hit in the side with a curse and stumbling, falling to the ground, but rolling away in time to block another...

"Is this what's going to happen?"

"That's the catch." The fellow seemed to be caught between being quite amused and quite disturbed. "This is one possible outcome. This is what will happen if you remain dead. The Light will win and The Dark will be defeated. But you will not be there with them, to comfort them all in times of pain. To help them. To fight with them." Remus transforming with that man-no-creature standing over him and Wormtail at his side, oh god, Remus... Sirius could hardly bear to watch the look of pain on that beautiful face...

"The catch is...?" He was completely distracted, gods, Remus...

"The catch is that I can send you back. You can dodge that fall through the veil and emerge from the battle victorious with your companions. But I cannot promise you that you will win the war this way." Another dozen battles were flashing over the surface of the tea tray, all lit in an unearthly blue glow. Friends and enemies falling in rapid succession... "And I'm afraid that's all you have to use to make your choice." The Man raised his hand to revert the tea tray back to normal, but before he could move, Sirius felt his heart stop. (could it stop? was it still beating?)

Peter Pettigrew.

And his Remus.

And the blasted silver hand...

He could not form words, syllables, even full thoughts beyond, 'My moony my moony oh gods oh no not moony not remus never please oh gods why him...'. His eyes were still glued to the tray long after it had returned to it's original function, showing nothing more than a warped reflection of the small garden porch's ceiling.

"Remus..." he murmured aloud. The Man looked properly somber.

"Yes. In the process of the war Remus will die." Sirius finally pulled his gaze from the platter to stare at The Man.

"But only in this reality."

"I do not have the answer to that. No one knows the exact outcome of the second reality." Sirius was persistent, however.

"But he might survive."

"Possibly." Sirius bit his lip. "This is the choice you need to make. You can stay dead, move on to the next life-" So this wasn't heaven after all.... "-and be assured of a victory by The Light. Or, you can go back and fight the war with your companions despite the uncertain outcome." Sirius closed his eyes again. "I can give you some time to consider the options."

He didn't need the time. Was that horrible? Was it selfish? He tried, oh, did he try. He tried to think of the best for the Order, tried to think of the best for the world, but he couldn't shake the final image of his Remus and that traitor and the hand...

"I didn't think you would need the time." Sirius' eyes flew open and he wasn't sure if he should be offended by the wry smile gracing The Man's lips. "True love... so rare these days on Earth. Quite beautiful, though." Sirius smiled sadly, not sure of the expected response to that. "Now... there's a slight catch to the catch. You won't remember any of this when you get back. Not your death, or the outcome of the other choice or any of this conversation. Rather, it will be like nothing happened. You will be hit with Bellatrix's stupefying curse, but fall the other way. Harry will run after her as she flees the death chamber. The battle will proceed as normal. You will be cleared of all charges at the end of the night and return to your home with Remus. You will kill Kreacher. And from there... the rest has yet to be determined." Sirius nodded once, stiffly.

This was the right choice.

The Man smiled again and stood up, leaning over the table. "Good luck, Sirius Black." He pressed his thumb to Sirius' forehead.

The world went black.

--

"You know," The Man said to The First Voice. "It was rather pointless to have him come here and go through all of that when you knew what decision he would make." He sipped his tea, looking slightly bemused.

"It was what needed to be done," The First Voice replied. The Man nodded.

"Yes, but the negatives..."

"You did not mention the negatives to him," The Second Voice said.

"I know. But that doesn't mean he won't experience them. Flashes of images in his mind, memories of our conversation, what could have been..."

"But only in sleep," The First Voice assured The Man. "Only in dream. He will not fully remember anything. Not enough of it to change the course of things." The Man simply nodded again, knowing better than to argue with The First Voice and The Second Voice.

"Will he be okay?" The Man asked a short time later.

"He and his lover will have each other," The Second Voice answered serenely. "That's what will matter to them, in the long run."

The Man did not inquire further, as that seemed like quite a good thing to have as a priority for Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

--

"Stupid Bellatrix..." Sirius was still muttering under his breath nearly a week later as he stalked around Hogwarts attempting to keep himself from going stir-crazy as the students finished term. Remus cast him a sympathetic glance over the top of the book he was reading.

"Really, Padfoot, it could have been worse." He sobered up quickly. "When I saw... there was a green flash from the side of you and I swear I thought..." Remus trailed off. "It could have been worse, love."

Sirius opened his mouth to reply when he was hit by a wave of... something. Some sort of deja vu mixed with a deep feeling of despair. An image flashed across his mind unbidden, something dark... reversed colors... almost like he was looking at a negative. He was overcome by the need to have Remus in his arms as soon as possible. The werewolf looked surprised at the sudden embrace, but said nothing.

"Love you, Moony. So much. Don't leave me." Remus brushed his fingers over Sirius' brow, trying to comfort the other man's unknown fears.

"When have I ever willingly left your side, Sirius?" Remus kissed his forehead. "You stupid git. I'll be here. Just as long as you're here for me."

"Always," Sirius murmured huskily. He pulled Remus closer and kissed him soundly.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt as if sometime, somewhere along the line, he had made the right choice.

-end-