Title: Of Tuxedos, Bets, and the Last Dance
Author: Kait
Rating: PG
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: Challenge number 108: Remus and Sirius attend a formal party.
Notes: Written for the SPRL Fuh-Q-Fest.


Of Tuxedos, Bets, and the Last Dance

"Ugh, I don't even want to know what that is." Remus gave Sirius a withering look and held the article of clothing out to him. "Honestly, Remus, what am I supposed to do with that?"

"It's a cummerbund, Siri. It goes around your middle." One would think, from the look of utter disgust Sirius was throwing at the garment, that it had teeth or was some disgusting shade of puce. Remus sighed and dropped it on the floor. "You know, Black, you were the one who thought it would be dashing and romantic getting all cleaned up and wearing muggle clothing to this thing."

"That was before I knew how complicated it all was." And he threw Remus The Look, the one that most people stop using when they're about ten years old, the look of utter whining frustration, a pout that's too sorry for itself to truly live up to it's name. Remus covered his eyes with his hand. He was so close to giving up... if it wasn't for the infuriated tirade he'd get from Lily the next day, he probably would have marched out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the pub across the street, wondering what exactly it was that drew him to Sirius Black as he got thoroughly sloshed.

But no. Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter had requested their presence for the evening, nearly begged for it, and one did not turn down Lily Evans. Not if one wanted to live with all of their appendages and the use of all of their senses. Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter was celebrating the "soon-to-be-Potter" part of her moniker. Oh, there had already been a sort of engagement party at their house in Godric's Hollow a few weeks after graduation, of course, but Lily's family wanted a celebration of their own. They were muggles, the whole lot of them, and no one outside of her immediate family had even met James before. After much begging and pleading and cajoling, Lily had agreed to a party, on the condition that she could invite some of her friends as well. Her parents agreed more quickly than she would have hoped, and soon Peter, Sirius, and himself had been roped into attending.

Being that Lily's family was entirely muggle, they were also being forced to dress in muggle clothing. They did this often, casually. Often times a pair of trousers and a t-shirt were more practical than robes. But muggle formal wear, specifically, the tuxedos they were being forced into... this was breaking new grounds. And Sirius suddenly wanted nothing to do with it.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, you're being ridiculous, Sirius!" Remus said, his voice rising in exasperation. "It's just clothing. You seem to think it looks utterly dashing in all the muggle cinema you're so fond of, it's not so hard to put on!" Sirius merely whimpered in response and Remus found himself taking a deep breath before approaching his whining lover. With a frustrated "Hmph!" he secured the cummerbund, tucked in Sirius' shirt, and tied his bow tie. He held the jacket out and helped Sirius into that as well, all the while muttering under his breath something about a good smack with a newspaper.

"How do I look?" Remus peeked through the fingers that were splayed over his face and his hand fell with a thump to his side.

"Devastatingly handsome, unfortunately," he muttered. Sirius grinned and winked and had his fingers creeping through Remus' hair a split second later. His eyes slid closed with a hitched breath as Sirius began to kiss his neck, fingers smoothing out his hair and then traveling down to rest on his hip.

"So do you..." Sirius managed to mutter into Remus' throat.

"Mm, Padfoot as... delightful as... oh... please, Padfoot, I don't look forward..." He swatted at Sirius' wandering hands and slid out of the amorous embrace. "To being flogged by Lily if we're late." Sirius sighed heavily and backed off, re-adjusting his suit and allowing Remus to pin a corsage to his lapel.

"Leave it to Lily to ruin my fun," he muttered, crossing his arms and pouting. Remus ignored him, tossing him his coat and scarf. "First she steals James away from the path of a true mischief maker and now she has you refusing a nice snog!"

"And she'll have you unable to get much father than a nice snog when she castrates you for being late. As I, too, would be adversely effected by this, I think it would be best for us to leave." Sirius made a rather rude gesture and shrugged on his coat. Silently praying that they get through the night unscathed, Remus followed him out to the street where Sirius' bike was parked.

***

Lily greeted them at the entrance to the hall once Sirius had finished meticulously parking his bike. She looked positively radiant, so much that they barely noticed James was behind her.

"Oh, good!" she said with a sigh of relief. "I was worried you wouldn't come!" Sirius gave her a rakish grin as he kissed her cheek in greeting.

"Now Lily, what could possibly keep us from your stunning presence?" Remus rolled his eyes, hugging Lily as Sirius moved to greet James.

"Don't listen to him, Lily, he tried everything he could think of to keep us home and unclothed." Lily laughed good-naturedly and Sirius remained unruffled.

"Peter, Esmerelda, and Alice are already here. Now you two know the rules..." the future Mrs. Potter started to say.

"Yes, yes!" Sirius muttered with a dismissive wave of his hand. "No magic, we all met at boarding school, You're studying classical mythology, James is training for a career in law enforcement, and Re and I do not want to shag each other's brains out at any given moment." Lily frowned and placed a hand on both his and Remus' shoulders.

"Guys, I told you, I don't care about that! Be yourselves! You have no reason to--"

"The look on your sister's face the last time that we visited you is a pretty good one," Remus said with a short laugh. Lily looked embarrassed, moving a hand to her temple and sighing. Remus squeezed her other one lightly and offered her a genuine smile.

"It's alright, Lil," Sirius insisted. "We'll have a grand old time. I'll dance with all those beautiful relations of yours and Remus here can stand in the corner as the devastatingly handsome, ambiguously gay absent minded professor who's less than comfortable in these social situations." Remus flushed slightly, smacking Sirius good-naturedly.

"You're far more queer than I am, love. That's the sort of stigma you get from being so vain..." Sirius growled and backed Remus up against the wall.

"Vain, eh?"

"Mm hm..." Remus answered, looking vaguely amused. Sirius shot him a wicked grin before cutting off further response with a kiss. James couldn't help but roll his eyes and, finally, cleared his throat loudly until his two friends pulled apart.

"Yes, I'm sure you two canines will have no trouble keeping your paws off of each other," he muttered dryly.

"Yes, really, you two shouldn't have to do that--" Lily began again, looking nearly devastated.

"We'll be fine, Lily," Remus said gently. "We won't lie to anyone. We'll just try to be subtle." At Lily's look, he pushed Sirius' hand away from his rear. "See?" Lily merely gave a defeated sigh and gestured towards the door.

"I guess I can't stop you... you might as well go in and see the others before the party gets into full swing." She shook her head at their brilliant smiles and followed them inside. Alice Longbottom was waiting for them just inside the door.

"I could hear you two arrive from across the room. You could try to be a little more discreet with that bike, you know," she said in way of greeting.

"Alice!" Remus exclaimed. "How's Frank?" Alice Flatley had married Frank Longbottom after their own graduation from Hogwarts the previous year.

"Oh, he's wonderful! And how are you two?" she asked, hugging Remus and then Sirius. "Still breaking hearts and ruining women's hope for the future wherever you go?"

"Not tonight, I'm afraid," Remus said with a small grin at Alice's confused look. "For the sake of Lily's less than accepting sister, we're going to try our best not to be... overly amorous." Alice nodded sympathetically, patting him on the arm.

"I have one suggestion for you."

"Yes?"

"Sirius - stop staring at Remus' arse." Remus whirled around just in time to see his lover turn his eyes to the ceiling innocently, his hands behind his back. The werewolf scowled, rolling his eyes.

"Control yourself... control yourself, you said. Control yourself, my ar--" He stopped as he realized what he was about to say and all the possible puns that Sirius was no doubtedly already thinking up. "My foot." Alice giggled, hugging Remus again and kissing his cheek.

"Oh, I missed you two. Nothing's quite the same without Sirius there to liven it up, eh?" Remus' scathing look was enough to answer her question. "Really, Remus, it won't be too bad! It will be just like back at school, with Sirius flirting with all of the girls, unconsciously, half the time, and you running around like his keeper, throwing insults at him."

"I doubt Sirius will have quite the same effect on women as he did back then," Remus snorted. "I mean, really. Half these girls don't even know him. At school he was the rebellious, genius Quidditch player. Here he's just another one of Lily's odd friends." Sirius, having turned towards the conversation at the mention of his name, looked quite offended. He stalked over to Remus and Alice, frowning.

"Now wait just a minute, Moony. What makes you think I still don't have my charms?"

"No, no, you're missing the point entirely, Sirius. I'm saying that you never had charm, not that you had it and now lack it." The smirk that he threw the gaping Sirius was - even he had to admit - devilishly attractive. It took all of Sirius' willpower to force a frown rather than jump the smug werewolf.

"I could get any woman in this room to fall under my spell, Moony," he declared.

"Any woman in the room?" Sirius smirked.

"Yep. Any of them."

"Okay. I'd like to see you charm Petunia Evans by the end of the night." Sirius' face fell the second Remus pronounced the first syllable of Lily's sister's name. From the look on Remus' face, the sour feeling in the bottom of Sirius' stomach was the effect he had been intending all along.

"Remus... honestly..." Alice had to struggle to get the words out between giggles. "You can't... you can't expect him to..."

"I do." Sirius stood up straight and gave Remus a steely look.

"Okay then, it's a bet. Winner treats the loser to breakfast in bed. For a week." Remus shook his hand, a secretive, coy look on his face.

"Alright. You're on."

***

As much as he hated to admit it, it was harder than Sirius thought it would be. He had stayed by her side all night. Offered her dances, gotten her punch and food. He kept conversation up, grinning winningly at her while she talked...and yes, she was quite taken with him. But at the same time, she did occasionally sense that something was up.

Because of that blasted Remus.

He could strangle Remus, really he could. Remus who went around with those flirtatious smiles, who let their hands brush when they reached for the same glass. Remus who stood around talking to Lily's family and just looking so damn good while doing it...

"Sirius... you were saying?" Sirius blinked and turned his attention back to Petunia and away from Remus, who was laughing, his eyes squinting and his lips quirking into that delicious smile that-

"Sirius?" she asked again.

"Uh... sorry... just... remembering something I have to do when I get home." *Note to self - screw Remus senseless the moment we walk in the door...*

"Oh, okay," she said doubtfully before continuing with the story she had been telling before. "So, yes, as I was saying, as wonderful as Vernon is, he's very droll. He doesn't like to do anything the least bit exciting. And everyone needs a little excitement once in awhile. Don't you agree?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him and he smiled back over his drink. If a similar look could make Remus' knees weak, then he was positive it would have an even better effect on Petunia.

He was right.

After regaining her composure, Petunia started to, once again, prattle on about Mrs.-Next-Door's drinking problem and he let himself settle into a stupor, nodding every few moments. Thus, he was quite surprised when a very familiar grip made its presence known on his upper arm. He coughed, loudly, startling Petunia and making Remus chuckle.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, Padfoot," he murmured in something quite akin to his bedroom voice. Sirius gulped.

"S'okay," he muttered. "I was just... uh... do you need something, Remus?"

"Mm. Just checking to see how you're holding up." Silence. Two sets of eyes broke away from each other to stare at the hold Remus' hand still had on Sirius' arm. Remus very deliberately released the other man, giving him one last smile. Sirius shot him a look that read something similar, 'Oh Merlin, do I hate you and I'm going to do some very nasty things to you in revenge when we get home just you wait you won't walk properly for a week...'

'That's what you think.'

If Petunia noticed a difference in his demeanor after Remus had left, she made no mention of it. She did, however, glare at him reproachfully when he started muttering about mangy, incorrigible canines.

***

Sirius was mentally trying to remember as much as he could about the House Elf Revolt in 1602 by the time the last dance came around.

He had spent the entire night listening to Petunia talk about... everything. The blasted woman never shut up! She went from her neighbors to her fiancé, to her bloody goldfish, barely stopping for breath. Laughing her shrill laugh, making those gooey eyes at him... He was just about ready to scream.

"I have to say, Sirius, you're very different from the way I remember you the last time you stayed with us." Sirius shook his head clear and offered her a wan smile. "I mean, really, the whole lot of that...those people... they're all so strange. And you're really quite normal. Not how I remembered at all." He caught the way that her eyes flickered to Remus, who was about twenty feet away, laughing at something that Lily's mother had said.

"Well, ah..." he started to say. He was tired of trying to charm this insufferable woman. He didn't care if he had to serve Remus breakfast for two weeks, enough was enough!

Before he could move away from Petunia, however, he once again felt a familiar hand settling on his arm.

"I think I've tortured you enough for the night, Padfoot." Sirius turned away from Petunia's confused scowl to look at Remus. Any complaints he had been ready to voice died away on his lips.

Remus had that look on his face.

Sirius made a small noise.

"That's what I thought. I was hoping you had at least one dance for me." And the look on Remus' face shifted from wicked to something softer. Loving. Sirius returned the smile and snaked an arm around Remus' waist.

"I'll always have a dance or two for you, Moony."

"I can't believe-Well I've... I've never... I thought..." They managed to ignore Petunia and move towards the dance floor, leaning as close together as possible.

"You know, I was just about ready to quit when you came over," Sirius whispered. Remus hid a grin.

"I know. I could tell. You had stopped trying to be charming and started to nod off. I figured we could call a truce. I'm sure we can find something much more appealing than breakfast to have in bed anyways." The wicked smile returned for a moment, but faded as he kissed Sirius' temple. Sirius relaxed in his arms, moving slowly in time to the music.

"You know," Sirius murmured conversationally. "I'm supposed to be the randy, wicked one. You were quite the tease tonight, Remus J. Lupin. And thus I feel the need to ravish you as soon as we walk in the door." Remus cocked his head to think about this, his hair tickling Sirius' nose.

"That's understandable. Well...except for one thing. I do think it will be me doing the ravishing."

"And why's that?"

"Because I'm still the only one who knows how to work these damn tuxedos."

.end.