i am hanging out with my cat. we's chillin. i'm kinda bummed out. all sad and forlorn. *Sniffle*


didn't have to work today. slept late, went to voice lessons, hung out with nate on the pentacrest for awhile, went to cr for a read-through of la cage (oh my god, it looks like it would be so much fun. i have been trying to talk my self out of this.... telling myself how GREAT my other gig could be for me.... but... i want to do la cage. more on this (and some other stuff) in da other journal.) btw, cedar rapids has FOUR third streets. seriously. and i was on everyone of them. i was like, fifteen minutes late to the read through, and came in SO super flustered. but everyone was soooo nice to me, and theatre cedar rapids is soooo bitchin. i want them to love me and let me be in their show.


went to studio after my read through, hung out with the gang (sunday, keish, vj, davina, nick, j.e., patrick, patrick k., eric, and.... several others i'm forgetting....) and nate came by, and duuuude fucking matt doran was there. i was like "holy shit." he was with patrick kepler, and beau pinkham. i was so confused. they left while i was outside talking to zane though. (the hot buddhist boy i met two weeks ago, does anyone remember? i know i told a few people about him, because he was cool.) and then, i got back, and EVERYONE (well, like.... keisha and one other person) was like "i saw you guys kisssssing!" and i was like "wow. strange, since uh... we didnt." it was weird. when i was out in the alley talking to derek (this was early in the evening... he walked by, and i waved at him (but the glass is mirrored, so he didn't see me) then since i realized he didn't see me, i fell off my bar stool and ran outside to talk to him. because i'm cool and smooth and in control. riiiight. i was in the middle of a conversation, and i'm like "derek! *falls of bar stool and runs outside, tripping on the velvet rope and running into the door in the process.*" le sigh, le sigh. aaanywho, someone said they'd seen me kissing him too. (don't i wish)... so apparently, i was very popular tonight. only not really.


i really want to do la cage aux folles. i never mention stuff like that, because i don't want there to be pity when i don't get cast.... but i reaaaaally want to do this show. i just want to be a cagelle. i don't know that i'd accept the supporting lead female role.... no singing, and hardly any dancing. *Shrug* she dances in the finale i guess. 'we are what we are' is the best song. "we face life, though it's sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter, face life, with a little guts and lots of glitter" i think that should be my theme song. even though i'm not a drag queen. i love that song.... or 'mascara'. oh my god. that IS my song.


"So whenever I feel that my place in the world is beginning to crash,
I apply one great stroke of Mascara to my rather limp upper lash.
And I can cope again, Good God! There's hope again!
When life is a real bitch again, and my old sense of humor has up, and gone
It's time for the big switch again, I put a little more Mascara on.
'Cause when I feel glamorous, elegant, beautiful,
The world that I'm looking at's beautiful too!
When my little road has a few bumps again,
And I need something level to lean upon,
I put on my sling pumps again,
And wham! This ugly duckling is a swan!"


again, i'm not a drag queen. but it's true. people who have known me for a long time know that i am a mascara fiend. it's the only make up item that i ALWAYS always always put on before i go out. and i always have mascara under my eyes when i wake up, no matter how much i've washed my face. i think it looks nice.... kind of heroin chic. really.


ok, i'm still sad and tired and feeling fairly worthless. so it's bed time.