dude, strong enough was just on again. i really AM strong enough. possibly.


i came to several realizations tonight. but i just realized that i'm logged into the wrong blog to blog about it. i am lonely, and sad, and unhappy. (hmm, genius. being sad and unhappy are the same thing. i'm so smart.) i don't want to hook up with anyone, i don't want to have anyone LOOK at me. ugh.


so. maybe i'll stop wearing make up to the bar. secondly, i may stop going to the bar. i only go in hopes of seeing derek (pathetic. i know.) i cannot handle the gay society the way it's been lately. i told jenny i was going to write a book called "being straight in a gay world, my life at studio 13." i'm sick of everyone. i'm sick of everything. i'm drinking too much, i'm smoking too much. things suck.


jenny and thang rock my world.

i'm strong enough. to live without you.


cher is my hero.


i just blogged in the private blog with my personal feelings.


abbreviated version is.... derek, i'm sorry i called you a loser. i didn't mean it.


it's 2:21, and it needs to be 3:00 already. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

what's up?


many thanks for the comments. aww. *hugs* and dude, scott. danish furniture. that's awesome. i love it. i enjoy seeing how people find my site. my favorite was "photos of sloth wearing clothing" i was like "um.... no" i have so much to blog about! wow!


let's see.... i have a feeling that if i just ramble.... i will NEVER say everything. i'll try to go day by day. so...... since the 21st.... what day was that? *goes to looks*


hmmm. i really am not recalling things. at all. all the nights sort of bleed together. wednesday was..... go hang out at studio night. thursday was the partay at ben's house, friday was the first night of the beach party weekend. i think that's right. what were the drink specials on wednesday? i know that if i can remember, i'll have a better idea of which night wednesday was..... oh well.


let's forget about wednesday, shall we? thursday we hung out at studio, and then zane and i went to ben's house and i got to hang out with everyone from west high, and it was much much fun. oooh thursday was fun times, we went to studio at like.... 8:30 and hung out... and i found it very amusing. and nick was tending bar, and i was like "awwww i love nick." and everyone was like "he has a girlfriend" and i'm like "duh, i know. i didn't say i was going to act on my love for nick, i'm just SAYING that i love nick. sheesh." and he showed us how snazzy he could be twirling the martini shaker around. and only dropped it once. and we hung out and played in the candles. and he got me to stop leaving little balls of wax in all the ash trays (i really like playing with wax. but when i got bored, i'd just ball it up, and then leave the balls in ash trays wherever i was.... and nick said he could always locate where i'd been... but NOW.... i'm remelting the balls. thus far, i've only burned myself on the flame once. go me.) ooh, adam was working the door on thursday.. NO that's a lie. he was working on wednesday (ah, wednesday is coming back to me now. i hung out with adam almost all night. and we discussed. adam is wonderful, and i heart him. OH HEY! i remember more about wednesday! adam gave me like.... twelve studio stamps. and then like fifteen people signed my midriff. yes. that was wed. good times.) adam was there on thursday though, and he told me that my pants were very soft. and i was like "yes i know." because they're the best pants ever. sooooo, last night..... was beach party. only minor internal drama towards the end of the evening when derek brought the girl he found at the summit to studio. and i became distressed. i had a brief freak out.... then went and fixed my make up and my hair, and was like "ok. i'm ok." then after the bar closed, we all hung out in the alley, and hot waiter (aka zach) helped me up on the wall, and we talked about people. and fashion problems we were noticing among them. it was REALLY hard to get up on the wall. i didn't think i was gonna be able to do it. hot waiter's really strong. seriously, i was like "i don't think i can make it...." (it's a REALLY tall wall!) and he was like "here, grab my hand." and literally pulled me up on top. i was like "whooooa!" i almost fell over the top into the us bank parking lot. and i wasn't even drunk. it was just that difficult for me to climb the wall. and i hung out with tim, aka hot topic boy (who i've sort of known for like..... two years. he used to be an assistant at hot topic, and then he transferred to CR, then he just now came back to be store manager here.) and i HEART tim. he is hilarious, and we had much much fun.


ok, so the day by day not rambling didn't work at all. oh well. i have WAY more to blog about (aka work and not studio stuff) but i have to go and get ready for work. so, i'll try to come back.... but i have to go to walmart to pick up birth control (fucking exspensive. grr. maybe i should listen to patrick and go to planet parenthood. ^_^) and i need some lotion. because my face is all dry. and i kinda want some sunless tannner. and davina told me i need some lip stain. and ayanna (and also davina) told me i need some blush. i should really make an effort to call them david and jon.... especially since they're definitely not in drag right now. but i'm always like "giiiiirl, you've got to hear this..." so, they remain davina and ayanna. whatever. later kids.

drama last night has convinced me of many things. being drunk off your ass all the time is a bad idea. and we're not talking about me kids. someone should have gotten their public intox, and all the trouble it would have brought. in my opinion. also... i'm going back to therapy (this may be a huge surprise to some, and some may have seen it coming a mile away.) because i'm still... well, in need of therapy. i'm not on any meds, and i prefer it that way.... but self destructive behavior comes waaaay too easily. i have more than enough stomach acid scars on my fingers, my throat is sore all the time, and p.s. it's gross. and i already have more than enough scars on my arms... and i'm sick of making up explanations for them... "uh, i got in a knife fight." baaack to the clinics i go. i just hope i dont' have kay again. i couldn't stand her. ugh.


that's all i'm going to say about that. perhaps updates in the other journal.... perhaps not. i don't like being "sick" and i don't want to dwell. (because.. "we mustn't dwell. not on rex manning day....")


i dont' really have any wonderful stories or things to say..... veejai moved home, davina's moving to california.... i'm going to miss them muchly.


i really want to go get a tattoo. right now. but i won't. i might go get my hair cut though (kudos to those that KNEW the hair cut was coming. break ups leave me needing to cut my hair. especially since guys are ALWAYS like "i liked it better long." now, the question is... how short do *i* want it?) or get my belly button pierced. or my tongue? ew, too scary. i really want the tattoo.


my room is a huge enormous mess, and i am going to go and clean it now. it's really not that bad, it's just that i don't have a dresser, so all my clothes are in boxes, which are stacked all over the place.... and ruining the flow of my room. booo.


the kismet and travisattva are coming to town today. two of my favorite people. who i need to hang out with way more. no drama *happy sigh*

i just blogged in the alternate blog, and i'm supposed to be cleaning.... doh. and i'm starving. i've been starving since .... like...5 last night. damn.


hey, renata has a mac.... does my blog frame come up for you? because derek said it doesn't work for him anymore. and i'm distressed, and trying to fix it. but being that i'm a dork, i really am not doing so well. *Shrug*


i don't want to do anything today. i want to lay in bed. but... i'm going to put together my bookshelf (yeah, i STILL haven't done that...) and move the rest of my shoes upstairs. ok. that's allll.


last night was questionable. jenny cracks me up though. "is that shoe over there?" "what??" "clownshoe, is that him over in the corner?" jenny has the best phrases. she's taken to calling a certain person clownshoe in an attempt to make me laugh. it generally works..... because jenny's hilarious.. but yeah, last night is recorded elsewhere...

this is from renata's blog. because it made me laugh REALLY hard.


...
"rummaging through some old software.. came across oregon trail 1.2! and it was mac compatible! *flails joyously* so i played some rockin' frowl oregon trail, with me, ayano, megan, priscilla, and kait. and now, i'll share some random excerpts from the trail log, because it amuses me.


March 1, 1848
You started down the trail with 6 oxen, 10 sets of clothing, 100 bullets, 1 wagon wheel, 1 wagon axle, 1 wagon tongue, 400 pounds of food, and $60.00.
"wagon tongue" has always sounded weird to me. it would be cute if wagons had real tongues. well, maybe not, because they'd probably always be trying to lick you and stuff.


April 6, 1848
Kait has a broken arm.
You decided to rest for 5 days.
April 12, 1848
You decided to continue.
poor kait. still, no sense wasting time...


April 15, 1848
You decided to continue.
You chose to ford the river.
1 member of your wagon drowned.
Your wagon tipped and you lost 1 ox, 3 sets of clothing, 1 wagon wheel, 1 wagon axle, 29 pounds of food, and 12 pounds of perishable food.
You decided to continue.
stupid jerky trail log, it didn't even give her name! *sniff* it was ayano, btw. so it goes. we buried you, though! but apparently that wasn't exciting enough news to make the trail log.


April 18, 1848
A farmer helped you with a sick ox.
this, however, was.


May 5, 1848
Kait is well again.
happy cinco de mayo, kait! arrrriba!


May 9, 1848
A thief stole 6 sets of clothing from your wagon.
dude, this means we're all NAKED! *giggles*
You decided to continue.
well, time waits for no man, after all. besides, it's a covered wagon...


May 13, 1848
Kait is suffering from exhaustion.
being naked is tiring.


June 8, 1848
An ox is sick.
stupid ox.


July 27, 1848
Megan has the measles.
You have reached Grande Ronde in the Blue Mountains.
You decided to rest for 5 days.
i wonder, if renata got sick, would it have said "you have the measles" or "renata has the measles"? because everything else is 2nd person. hmm.


August 5, 1848
Priscilla has a fever.
Megan is well again.
the unwritten law of oregon trail: only one person can be sick at a time. it's a bizarre relay.


August 11, 1848
Priscilla has a broken leg.
No water.
priscilla, you clumsy slut!


August 20, 1848
You decided to continue.
You decided to raft down the Columbia River.
You made it to the Willamette Valley.
4 people arrived in good health.
Your Score = 6,276
dude, when i was little i could never raft down the river! i always hit a rock and drowned at least one person. go me! *does victory dance*"
...




i'm so amused that our clothes got stolen. also... what IS a wagon tongue? and priscellie.... you ARE a clumsy slut, and we all hate you. priscilla will never truly be priscilla to me. she will always be ellie. *sigh*


alright! i'm off to my audition!! aaaaah!

ok kids, we'll start with friday.


i worked til close on friday, with themopolis and patricio. good times. after work, thea left me and patrick, and patrick and i went.... to his house? i believe? and then i drove us to studio. studio was.... fairly full. not packed, but full. i forgot to call zane like.... twelve times. then remembered, and he zoomed down the alley (airplane style "what the hell is zane doing?" "being an airplane?") to meet us, and i gave him patrick's shirt (not like... i stole patrick's shirt and gave it to zane.... but patrick had a shirt he didn't want, and he was going to give it to zane, so he gave it to me to give to him. and i got it all wrinkled... aw.) theeeen.... this BIG ass bar crawl came through, and nick was with them!! as in nick from h2$!! i was like "what is up!?!" and then, someone in his bar crawl started a big ol fight situation out in the alley. he thought the door guy was hitting on him, and then some guy bumped into him, and he got all up in this guy's face. and was like "don't grab me, you faggot" and like... a little wave of people carried him off down the alley where everyone yelled at one another and such. i think derek was prolly over there, all prepared to break it up. (he is seriously the peacekeeper of iowa city, i don't know how many fights he has stopped or broken up... but it's alot.) and veejai came all running out to join in the fight situation, and we were like "really, what is he going to do? their hair? their make up? really." drag queens. sheesh. it was strange, but anywho, that resulted in nick's bar crawl leeeaving studio. seriously kids. if you have a PROBLEM with the gaaaays don't come to the gay bar. excuse me, alternative dance club. ("i thought this was an alternative dance club! i had no idea there would be gay people here! aaah!")


after that was all resolved.... i did some stuff. that i don't remember. and it's not because i was drunk, it's because i neglected to write it down. i never know what's going on when i dont' write things down. OH OH OH! i remember. i walked zane to his car. which was pimpin. i'm gonna buy him some 8 tracks for his 8 track player. it was quality. then he drove me back to studio. where i danced for awhile, and thea rejoined me and patrick. and brought meredith with her. and this scary nascar guy and his wife tried to get on me, and i was scared, so we changed our position on the dance floor. only, we switched into like.... the suuuuper cute gay boy orgy, and thea and meredith were slightly frightened by the blatant making out and groping. so then it was last call, and we all moved out to the alley. where danny made out with everyone present. including me, and patrick, and nic. nic was hilarious. "ok, we're done." nic was there last night too, come to think of it. hmmm. what was this about living in des moines? that's a long commute to come to the bar. i heart nic like a sister. (kudos to the like.... five people who remember the days when i hearted nic and andrea like sisters. aaaaaandrea likes to watch. aaww, the good ol days.) so then we went to perkins. where i had three minor nervous break downs, and didn't eat anything (though it was my idea to go because i was hungry. but then i got there, and the drama distracted me). our waitress kept coming over right as i started crying. and patrick would be like "uh.... maybe you should come back later." theeeeeen we all left perkins, and i met derek in the wal greens parking lot (unintentionally.... i called to see if he was making out with matt, who was all over him, by the way. and he was like "i'm coming to perkins. and i was like "that's great, we left." and he was like "oh." so he stopped coming to perkins, and we crossed paths, and he showed me that he was not taking any boys home with him. (i knew already, hello. but i'd given him shit, because he's always like "i saw him leave with a boy. he's the gay." only derek does not say "the gay" because he's not margaret cho.... aaaanywho, i'd beeen like "you're alllllways telling me that you saw so and so leaving with a boy. and whooo did i just see you leave with. oh no you didn't.") he's gonna yell at me for discussing this, so i will clarify, for you dorks, that derek is straight, the boys just like to hit on him a lot.


saturday. drama at work. but i dont' care, because i'm almost done. i nearly mowed down jeff (one of gabe's roommates) on the way into the mall. he was in scheels, and i came flying in. and i've never thought he liked me.... but he was like "hey what's up!?" and i was like "can't talk! *zooms away*" then i worked, then i left, then i went to an audition for a movie, called sackers, that my agent (aka thea) told me about.... and it rocked, and i'm gonna be a big star, and you all need to watch for me. yeah yeah. then i was like "i'm not going out. because i dont' feel good" but patrick talked me into it. so i went out and got more trashed than i have been in a looong time. ugh. but i looked so cute. patrick took a bunch of pictures of me. oh oh oh! and he made me a cd! and it's the best thing anyone's ever given me. it was "work it girl" or whatever that song's called. work it, cover girl. supermodel, yadda yadda, the gayest song ever. and cyndi lauper!!!!!!! (true colors. aw.) and my cher song. (this is a song for the lonely) i've been all sad, but patrick and cher are there for me. i know i can count on cher. aaaand, patrick's song (i drove all night. which i hate. btw. but i love patrick so it's ok.) and i'm actually supposed to be going to the mall to get it from him because i left it in his car. aaaanywho, so patrick took like a billion pictures of me. and one of me and augusta, because she looked so damn good. and i called derek, to bitch him out (i was quite trashed) and he was like "i see you behind that tree." and i was like "aaah!!" and he was on his motorcycle, like six feet away from where i was. which was behind a big tree thing. so we talked in the parking lot for a long time. then i went back inside, and saw nic, and he gave me a hug, and told me to be happy. and i was like "aw, i heart you like a sister" so, i called and left ben a message. and then called zane and was like "i'm laying on a big stone thing on the corner of iowa st and linn st. come get me." and he did.


and now i'm really going to go to the mall and get my cd. i need to get dressed though. because i'm not so much dressed.... as wearing an enormous t-shirt. eh. hey, there was an article in the NY times today on dating people with blogs. it was really interesting. oh, also, i missed my blog's birthday AGAIN. (i told zane that i do it all the time. and then i realized that by blog has only had two birthdays....so i was like "well, really only twice. but, still. that's two for two.") ok, dressed and to the mall.

hmm. i have a lot to blog about. i was in bed reading, but i felt a deep need to blog. so, it's going to be rapid fire...


..i have a psychology final at 7:30 am tomorrow. boo.
..i got like.... four hours of sleep last night
..i worked 13 hours today.
..i'm listening to chicago, i LOVE chicago. i WILL play roxie hart. mark my words.
..panera was out of pickles today. all i wanted was a caeser salad, with like.... a piece or two of chicken.... and some pickles (shut up, i like pickles.) and there wasn't ANY pickles, and jenny put like.... an entire chicken on my salad. it was highly questionable.
..i wish i were bree sharp. she's so damn cool. i also wish i knew where my copy of cheap and evil girl is. (it's in the light booth at ic community theatre. but still...) david duchovney, why don't you love me??
..i finally got the lyrics to hellilujah. it has been running through my head nonstop for like three days. especially the "god speed all the sattvas/ in this bloody mudra/ dance through all the dukha/ hellilujah/ metta sutra/ bloody mudra/ hellilujah" part. yes.
..there's a beach party at studio tomorrow night.
..i really should go study instead of blogging.....
..i choked on a piece of lettuce while i was driving yesterday, and almost ran into a van. i would have been so pissed if i died in a car accident caused by choking on lettuce.
..thea is my agent now, she's booking auditions for me. woo themopolis.
..abi apologized for being one of the people who always reads my blog and never comments. she is forgiven. also, she has a nose. and she would like the doctor to eat her children.
..i have an urge to watch lilo and stitch. i LOVE that movie. "get off of me you stupid sister! your body is crushing me!" speaking of sisters, we just got a bunch of pictures back of me and my sister, we're harrassing the cat and playing with the bunnies.
..kismet just hooked my up with the stu lyrics for the forthcoming album. i often wonder if it's humanly possible to be cooler than the kismet ^_^
..ok, i'm going to go immerse myself in some stuart muuuuusic and such. and perhaps study a LIIIIIITTLE bit.




Doped up in the goddamn drama
Groping for the Golden Dharma


too true.

i'm at home, should be doing laundry.... i'm not. should also be putting my bookcase back together.... since there are two enormous boxes of books that need to go on it.... and should prolly do some general cleaning.... but, i'm going to go to my dad's, to the mall, to paul's (the store... i don't know anyone named paul. but nate kind of looks like paul mccartney.... and ben's last name is paul... anywho.) i need to go to my dad's to make some boxes. how many people have seen my room? well, i have all these little wooden boxes that i made, they're just litte rectangles, and they're about magazine sized, and i keep my back issues of cosmo in them, along with pictures and such, and then they make great little tables, or shelves, and i put pictures on top of them and stuff. they're just so versatile. if i were on trading spaces, i would use lots of these little boxes.


and i need to go to the mall to see if DMshawn is there, though i'd like to see AMsean as welll. and blondesean too, but he won't be at the mall. i love my sean/shawns. what else do i need to do? aside from laundry....?


oh, hey, kudos to zane for actually leaving me a comment! he fully utilized the commenting system. which not many people do, i know there are tons of people who read this daily, and have never left a comment. give something back people, c'mon. renata and zane are the only people on my good side in the comments issue. oh hey, speaking of renata, i got your graduation invitation today. maybe i'll try to come! that'd be so fun. i was really amused by the pirate stickers on the formal invitation, btw. also, i like how your comment was like "i mailed it, so, look for it! well, not right NOW.... i just sent it." like you thought i'd jump up and run out to the mailbox as soon as you said that. *amused*


dude, i just got distracted.... the time between that last paragraph and now is like... an hour and a half. and i'm actually leaving to go to my dad's. and i did some laundry. crazy. possibly more later.

i am hanging out with my cat. we's chillin. i'm kinda bummed out. all sad and forlorn. *Sniffle*


didn't have to work today. slept late, went to voice lessons, hung out with nate on the pentacrest for awhile, went to cr for a read-through of la cage (oh my god, it looks like it would be so much fun. i have been trying to talk my self out of this.... telling myself how GREAT my other gig could be for me.... but... i want to do la cage. more on this (and some other stuff) in da other journal.) btw, cedar rapids has FOUR third streets. seriously. and i was on everyone of them. i was like, fifteen minutes late to the read through, and came in SO super flustered. but everyone was soooo nice to me, and theatre cedar rapids is soooo bitchin. i want them to love me and let me be in their show.


went to studio after my read through, hung out with the gang (sunday, keish, vj, davina, nick, j.e., patrick, patrick k., eric, and.... several others i'm forgetting....) and nate came by, and duuuude fucking matt doran was there. i was like "holy shit." he was with patrick kepler, and beau pinkham. i was so confused. they left while i was outside talking to zane though. (the hot buddhist boy i met two weeks ago, does anyone remember? i know i told a few people about him, because he was cool.) and then, i got back, and EVERYONE (well, like.... keisha and one other person) was like "i saw you guys kisssssing!" and i was like "wow. strange, since uh... we didnt." it was weird. when i was out in the alley talking to derek (this was early in the evening... he walked by, and i waved at him (but the glass is mirrored, so he didn't see me) then since i realized he didn't see me, i fell off my bar stool and ran outside to talk to him. because i'm cool and smooth and in control. riiiight. i was in the middle of a conversation, and i'm like "derek! *falls of bar stool and runs outside, tripping on the velvet rope and running into the door in the process.*" le sigh, le sigh. aaanywho, someone said they'd seen me kissing him too. (don't i wish)... so apparently, i was very popular tonight. only not really.


i really want to do la cage aux folles. i never mention stuff like that, because i don't want there to be pity when i don't get cast.... but i reaaaaally want to do this show. i just want to be a cagelle. i don't know that i'd accept the supporting lead female role.... no singing, and hardly any dancing. *Shrug* she dances in the finale i guess. 'we are what we are' is the best song. "we face life, though it's sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter, face life, with a little guts and lots of glitter" i think that should be my theme song. even though i'm not a drag queen. i love that song.... or 'mascara'. oh my god. that IS my song.


"So whenever I feel that my place in the world is beginning to crash,
I apply one great stroke of Mascara to my rather limp upper lash.
And I can cope again, Good God! There's hope again!
When life is a real bitch again, and my old sense of humor has up, and gone
It's time for the big switch again, I put a little more Mascara on.
'Cause when I feel glamorous, elegant, beautiful,
The world that I'm looking at's beautiful too!
When my little road has a few bumps again,
And I need something level to lean upon,
I put on my sling pumps again,
And wham! This ugly duckling is a swan!"


again, i'm not a drag queen. but it's true. people who have known me for a long time know that i am a mascara fiend. it's the only make up item that i ALWAYS always always put on before i go out. and i always have mascara under my eyes when i wake up, no matter how much i've washed my face. i think it looks nice.... kind of heroin chic. really.


ok, i'm still sad and tired and feeling fairly worthless. so it's bed time.

holy cow, but a LOT of people have found my blog recently by searching for my name. who are y'all???

stu show tonight, dig it like dirt. i got to see rob3t2, the love of my life. soooo wonderful so see him. and stuart, and kismet, and da gang. including nate, my lifelong friend. who i think i blogged about. or did i just MEAN to blog about him and not actually do it? hm. well, anywho, he was there. he's really tall. we're gonna hang out tomorrow.


and derek called me, after the show, and he told me about a nightmare he had, and now i'm all confused.


then rob and co drove me to studio, because i was gonna walk, but i told them about how i got accosted that one time, and that guy carried me off down the alley... and they wouldn't let me walk. so i hung out with my kids there for a bit... and then we left. after a minor mishap with patrick's car.


so much more to blog about. but so tired. work sucks. i quit today. helllooooo gadzooks.


bye kids.

p.s. i love all you rentboard kids who are working your asses off to get me tick tick boom music. i swear to god, fax machines suck. and giiiiirl, i'm gonna have to drive my ass to fucking jersey to get it. *sigh*

dude. i went out, for like.... a liiiiiitle while. then my stomach hurt so bad that i had to find a ride home, or like... die. so i'm at home. still dying though. i'm seriously ready to call 911 and be like "wassup, i think that i have the ulcer from hell. it is possessed and trying to kill me. please send help."


oh my god! on a less whiny note.... derek got the part of matt in the fantastiks at city circle! get down wit yo bad self derek! you rock so much. i'm sorry, but i was so excited when he told me, i SCREAMED in the parking ramp. (this is how i react to OTHER people getting parts.... imagine my reaction to meee getting parts ... diana can contest to the fiasco i caused when i got alice. all the administrators come RUNNING out in the hall "what's wrong what's wrong?!?!" i go screaming off to miss hamm's room, interupt all these kids taking a test... i was so smooth. kept my cool on that one. big time.)


hoooly god there is DRAMA going down at studio tonight. there is one person i feel sooooo so sorry for. poooor boy. and sunday tried to convince me to climb in through the window. and littleblondesean put brown streaks in his hair, so now i'm gonna have to start calling him littlezebrasean, because he has zebra hair... and i saw miriam, and i left her a message that was like "i love you, i understand why you couldn't stop and talk. i dig it." aaand what else? there were SOOOOO many bar crawls out. jesus. so many. and strippers at studio.... and one of them touched me. and i was like "oh no you didn't, do NOT be rubbin your nasty stripper self on me. ew." aaaand what else? SO much shit going down, and all in like... two hours. i left all early due to my terrible condition. ow ow. i literally cannot sit up anymore, that is how much pain i am in. so, i'm going to lay down, until some of my drunk ass friends call and need rides. at which point i will haul my butt back downtown and deposit them all in their homes. don't drive drunk kids. don't do it. you'll kill someone, and i will hate you forever. if you are drunk, and need to go somewhere, for the love, call someone. i will come get you if at all possible. there are certain people, who shall remain nameless, you know who you are, who need to STOP driving drunk. call a cab, or call me, or walk yo ass home. ok. end my anti drunk driving rant. but seriously kids, seriously. drinking is one thing, driving drunk is a whooooole different one.


one more thing.... i'm driving to davenport to see rob and kismet tomorrow morning! yaaaaaaay!

i am officially back at home. thank god. and someone erased one of my papers from their computer, so i'm working on that right now. thank you so much you fucker. i should have taken my moniter. i was about to.


derek's bunny rabbit is now living at my house. he's not quite used to it yet, but he's getting there.


i feel so sick. i haaate being sick. my stomach hurts. *sob* fuck! i need to email sunday! soooorry sunday! and i need to email jennifer kreitzer, i ran into her at the mall yesterday, and we exhanged weblog addresses.


i'm listening to hairspray. good morning baltimore!


oh my god oh my god oh my GOD! guess what. i think i'm going to be an intern at riverside theatre this summer..stage managing!!! like, what the hell? so random, but hey opportunity knocks.... rock on.


but this means that i won't be doing la cage. which i wanted to do soooooooo badly. *sigh* decisions are hard.

i have to go to work. and my stomach is all fucked up, because i'm all sick and stuff. so, i am supposed to be able to either get work off if this happens, or only have to work short shifts... but nooooo. i'm working like, a ten hour. because everyone sucks. oh, and kayla, i'm glad you enjoyed my message. dude, fucking hell, he was such a bastard to me last night almost made me start crying in the middle of the bar (as if there isn't ENOUGH drama). and i may or may not have told him he was fat, trashy, ugly, a bad drag queen, and a general all around loser. oops, my bad. someone who is a friend of his and shall remain nameless was like "be nice" and i was like "i'm being honest" and he was like "yes you are, but be nice."


hey kids, there's a stuart concert this weekend (yes i know, we JUST had a stuart concert... i don't schedule these things.) so ya'll need to come see stuart. and certain people need to come meet rob3t2. because... he's going to be here. ROB'S COMING TO IOWA!! *jumps up and down and celebrates* i love rob so so so very much it's hard for me to even tell you.


so, here's what was wrong with my blog. everytime i tried to post, i would get error 506: unable to contact view generation service . followed by an http://bunch of numbers/bloggerservice or somesuch. well, there's nothing listed about it in the blogger help area, and the mentions of it that i found in other blogs were all pretty useless.... none of the suggestions worked, and it made me sad. but what ben did to get it to work was..... he found a character that was not really a character. i guess? like, you know certain keystrokes make those little squares instead of letters.... well, on brad's mac this happened ALL the time, because i was forever hitting alt or ctrl instead of what i meant to hit, because someone who wasn't me spilled shit in the keyboard and it was all crazy. so, i had a post with one of those little squares in it. and removing that square was all it took. crazy, eh? would have been nice if blogger had a list of all its error messages instead of like... a list of two of them. *sigh*


i'm off to work right now, but i want y'all to know that i am spending tomorrow morning moving all my stuff out of brads house, and then NEVER ever speaking to him ever again. so, people who are going to be helping me.... thus far.... the one person who has offered me help is derek... so, derek... give me a call tomorrow manana sometime, i believe i left you a message regarding all this... but yeah. bookshelf and futon should be the only things that require any actual work moving. and maybe my big boxes of books that weigh like a billion pounds.


ok kids, i'm in a great mood, and am off to work! wooooo hoo! come and see me, i love it when people come and see me. really i seriously truly do. it makes me super happy. did i mention that patrick and i are writing a play about working in retail? because we are. woohoo retail.


i don't think i'm going out tonight. because i am broke beyond all belief. so, i'll be at home. woo home.

as some of you may know, my blog has been broken for the past week. this has been a serious issue that caused me much upsetness. i haven't ever had that kindo f problem before, and was CRUSHED when i couldn't publish things. i even started a new blog (which you can view here if you are interested. it's really just like.... the past ten posts from here though.) and, i think i am going to go to blogger pro asap. because they have SO many cool features. if anyone out there is like.... crazy about my blog and wants to sponser me.... drop me a line ^_~ all you people who have been BITCHING about updates can feel free to chip in as well. it'd also be nice to pay for my counter, so that it would actually tell me my site stats, rather than vaguely hinting at them...


a note about bloggercontrol, the support center for blogger. ok, i NEVER realized i could use it. i'm a dork. oh well. but i LOVE that it's like "my current issues" and lists my little error message. i wanted to write in with my real current issues. like, little life complaints. be like "i miss derek" issue #1. "i'm stressed about finals" issue #2... but i was worried they'd ignore my real error if i did that. *sighsigh*


now that i actually have the power to post..... i'm super tired and have nothing to say. aw. oh well, major updates soon, i prrrrrooomise.

Just trying this here linky link.

I'm stupid, blogger actually does have support, but I just wasn't looking in the right place. Ben found this cool bug reporter dealie and reported my bug. You have to log in and there's a little table that says "my current issues," we were going to talk about our real issues, but then we figured that they wouldn't take our real complaint seriously. Me<---- Much amused. Also Ben is the coolest person ever, you all know it, but I'm just putting it down in writing. You know, for the record and all. If you get this message then obviously it's working, which means Ben fixed it, which means he actually is the coolest person ever.

This is Ben. I'm horny. Somebody do me.

blogger, you make me hate you, i seriously don't want to go pro, because your support sucks so much

so, i've looked everywhere for possible solutions to this situation, and as far as i can tell, it's either go pro or get a new blog. fuckers.


edit: renata had a suggestion. but i dont' think it worked. *Sigh*

fuck you blogger. fuck. you. i have tried everything, maybe i'm stupid.... but i cannot get any answers regarding this stupid error message that i've been getting for like.... five days. my new blogspot blog is posting fine. WHY do you suck blogger????

i really hope that my blog starts working before its 2 year anniversary. which is may 14th. happy birthday blog!

dammit blogger dammit dammit dammit. seriously, and there is nooooo help in any of the blogger help things. all the help links are broken. jerks.

so now it SAYS that it's published. but then, it says that like... the "page generation service" cannot be reached. i am so full of amusing things to tell you all. but i can't, and it is seriously killing me.


...patrick and i are writing a play
...i ran into the wall in the parking ramp
...after that, i ran into the door in the psych building
...i have a voice lesson in a minute.
...i need to go get boxes so i can finish packing.
...tonight's cinco de mayo, so i'm going to studio to play darts with sunday.

why bother even taking the time to make a witty post.


worked all weekend, went to studio. last night Sunday bought me a piece of pizza so i'd eat something aside from saltines, we ran around in the rain for awhile, i tried to stay dry with a news paper.... and sang part of "over at the frankenstein place" because i was walking in the rain with newspaper.... but stopped when i slipped into an enormous mud hole thing... dude, i need to update the who's who. sunday and keisha and vj and beau and everyone aren't on it (and NONE of my three seans (well, 1 shawn two seans)).


ok, i have a research experiment for psych. bye.

*screams* frustration.... grrrrr.

oh my god, i thought it worked. *Sigh* i don't think it did.

if this goes through, i will partay. i will jump up and down and sing. and, if you could see me right now, you would understand what a feat this would be.


www.meganmegan.blogspot.com


that is where the last like.... eleven posts are. since this blog sucks ass. ass i say. ass.


i'm eating popcorn. and jenny and patrick are here. they're talking about kosher food. apparently kosher ice cream is the cutest thing in the world.


i stepped on my mark. (my little clay one! that i made! aw, he's sooo cute.) i did not mean to step on him, it broke his arm, the one i just fixed. i hurt my mark. pooooor mark. *loong pause* it's like, metaphorical. i never meant to hurt my mark, and now i hate myself. well, i'll just glue little mark's arm back on. and continue hating myself


jenny's on the phone with ryan from panera (does everyone remember ryan from panera? oh good times.)


i have gone out so much this week. and not gotten remotely fucked up. yet, again with the mood swings. fine happy shiny happy fine. then..... *sob* *paaaaaaaaaaause* *sob*


so, i'm going to go back to talking to patrick and jenny. we were discussing what we're going to name our children. and i'm not allowed to call patrick's son "sabby" he was like "bitch, you call my son sabby, i will slap you, and be like "sebastian, never ever talk to auntie megan again.""


i hope this post works so i don't have to go and post this to the other blog.

i have officially decided to upgrade to blogger pro. alas. i can't. because i have noooo money. but in the near future, it's coming.

blogger. i didn't think anything could make me grouchier than i was. but you've succeeded.

if blogger doesn't publish, i'm going to go back to crying in my room. grr.


i have an exciting new hobby.... packing! though, i had a wonderful chat with my mother today, she doesn't want me to move home, and is trying to take away my computer, and opening all my mail. boy, i can't wait to get home. then i can hate my life all of the time instead of random realizations. i've been bursting into tears randomly for the past two days. i'll be all fine, like last night.... soooo fine, at studio, having such a great time (they played 'you spin my right round' it was the longest mix ever, and i was so excited, but it was so long that i got dizzy, and had to sit out the very end) then, alllll of a sudden i was like "*Sob* i want to go home" so we went to patrick's house, where i curled up in the big chair. and i ate like... a whole thing of pokey sticks. and fell asleep. then patrick was like "just stay here tonight" (we were at his house watching clueless) but i decided to go home. and discover that like... half of the guys from studio are in the living room. i was like "hey, wassup" and everyone was like "HEY IT'S YOU!!! I HEARD YOU'RE A BUDDHIST! WOOOOOOW. YOU'RE SO CUTE! AWWW." and i was like "*general confusion* i'm gonna go put my pajamas on." so i put on my pajamas. and they were all jealous of how comfy i was. then i threw up, due to the fact that i ate like five pounds of cheesey breadsticks. then i fell asleep. then this morning, i was all driving home from the mall (i went out to get my wallet. because it was in the refridgerator at work. yes, in the fridge. don't ask.) and listening to duran duran. and like, rocking out. then all of a sudden, i was like "aaah i'm so sad. *cries*" so i stopped by home, since i'm all moving back, and i thought maybe it would be comforting, but it made me hate my life. and now, i'm going to go pluck my eyebrows (they are out of control. stupid eyebrows) and take a shower, and go to work. yay. work.


i had something else to blog about. i have lots to blog about, but since blogger hates me. i can't.

well, at least now i'm getting new error messages.

so, blogger is broken for the time being. and i really believe that may be a really good thing. but then, maybe it's working for renata, and i can have her log in and post this.....


we'll see which wins out.... wanting to keep things secretish until i can handle posting them, or saying fuck it, and posting it now.


i'm moving home, which is a very good thing, being that i'm falling apart. between throwing up all the time the past like.... three days, and the nosebleeds and what not.... i am dehydrated, and feeling like shit. and oh so excited to be working almost 9 hours every day for the rest of the week.


now, the next question is.... will i go out this week? or will i move all of my stuff home, and not talk to anyone at all for the next.... well, until auditions and finals and everything is over and done with? or will i even bother with the auditions? should i even post any of this at all? do i want to go back to keeping every post light and happy and humorous? and just not mention when things go wrong?


from the looks of it, i can't take the summer session classes i wanted, and won't even be able to take the theatre classes i wanted fall semester. maybe i should say fuck it and go to kirkwood for a summer, or the semester. i'm seriously doubting my mental capacity, and my capacity for anything. i suck. so much. it isn't even funny. and don't say that i don't, i'm pretty damn good at fooling people.