rehearsal today was weird... like, we finished at nine, even though we had like, another half hour's work to do... and it seemed like everyone could have stayed and finished the scene we were working on... but... we didn't. and we're going from 9-10 on wednesday to do it instead. *shrug* and everyone except the director is pretty quiet... and i'm so used to loud crazy theatre people... aaah well.


ever since i bought the very best of cher... i've been alternating between that and stuart. my GOD i love cher so much! and i love stuart even more. they're the best of two totally different worlds.


i hate sundays, because will and grace and friends aren't on at night... stupid sunday nights. also, it looks like my days off from sears are gonna be sunday and tuesday. which makes me sad. because those are the LAST two days i'd want off... like, ever. i NEED to remind everyone that i can't work friday mornings again too. i've only done if five times, i understand how it could be missed. *sigh*


i thought i found my "tie me to the bedpost" shirt today. but it was a random shirt that i didn't even know. i was sad.


i need to do laundry. let's have another to do list, shall we?


+ organize paper filey thingy on my desk
+ organize bookshelf (the books are all ON the bookshelf, but all random like.)
+ put all of my nail polish and manicure type stuff together so i can find it...
+ a load of laundry all black clothes...
+ a load of laundry ..all jeans...
+ a load of laundry ..underwear type things...
+ a load of laundry ..shirts..
+ a load of laundry ..random sweatery type things...
+ make bed (as in... put blankets on it, instead of just wrapping up in my quilt every night.)
+ dust. (i noticed how dusty certain places are)
+ UPDATE THE WHO'S WHO!


oh, and speaking of dusty... i talked to him today! he's in london, and he's coming home on TUESDAY! (he's been in europe for... like... ever.) i am SO EXCITED AND I WANT TO SEE HIM RIGHT NOW!


i should go to bed. i'm so tired. and i so have to work at 9:45 tomorrow morning. until five or six, i believe. i hope pam shows me how to do stuff... so that i'm at least a little less stupid than i am now.

baby save up all your tears...

cuz you'll be cryin over me. i love cher.


i'm only blogging waiting for my nails to dry all the way so i can wash my hair.


last night. hmmmm.


i had an ok time. the whole "re open the bar at 2:15" thing was pretty cool. derek being a drama queen was not. getting hit on by random guy named benjamin was ... weird. ivy and sunday fighting was bad. sunday randomly launching into how much she hates me and why was bad. drunk patrick was fun. seeing gary was GREAT! molesting taylor, also great... came home at three, fell asleep, woke and got ready to go out with erin, realized my cold has gotten a billion times worse, decided to curl up in bed with tea, vell asleep, woke up again when kevin-who-keeps-telling-me-he-wants-to-sleep-with-me called... weird conversation... then the SECOND he hung up, ivy called... theeeen, i hung out for awhile, now i have rehearsal at eight, but i want to wash my hair, which i can't do til my nails dry all the way. this nail polish top coat is crazy. like, the top coat dries all fast, but the nail polish isn't all the way dry, so if you aren't careful, you can like... slide it off. so annoying.


i'm listening to bell, and... is it just me... or are there trumpets in this version of wizard?? crazy. though, i LOVE karma pyre so much it hurts. +dharma -drama is also WONDERFUL. as is the entire cd. also, i just ordered one of the new stuart tee shirts from the website. i can't wait til it gets here i'm so excited. i'm like... gonna call rob and them and be like "send me my order!! pllllleeeeeeeease" ... rob's gonna come to my cousin emily's wedding with me. (we won't even get started on how crazy i think this is. dear god. i dont' know what the deal with girls in my family is. stupid... crazy? who knows.)


ok, i think my nails are dry enough. off to the shower then to rehearsal.


p.s. blogger isn't working. i'll post this later.

aaaandrea i miss you tooooo!!!


and random person who wants to know how i know josh madigan and left like nine blank comments on a post from forever ago....... uh, i just do? i dunno, he went to west, he does sound for stuff. and... i am often in things he does sound for. i haven't seen him in like... almost a year. no, i lie. i saw him downtown some night over the summer. i think. oh, and i know his brother. and sister! ah!


worked today. so tired. so much pre work drama. *cry*


apparently my family has disappeared though. they aren't here. i can only assume they're at the johnson county democrats barbeque. and are bringing home dean team people to sleep on our couches. i really do not know. ooooh i don't know if i'm gonna go out. i'm so tired. but i'm so like... stressed, that i want to have a good night. like, go have fun. but, i bet i won't. i'll be like ... "booo. i don't like the people here. too many loud straight people."


i'm listening to bell. lovely.


erin and i are going shopping tomorrow. i'm excited.


i'm also STARVING. i've eaten a lot today, i shouldn't be this hungry, but i am. i might have some tuna. mmmmm tuuuuuna.


or i might just go to sleep.

thirsty thursday hijinks

bell is so fucking awesome. i LOVE rob for sending me a copy early ^_^


though, everyone should totally go buy it right now, since the ordering dealie is working (FINALLY)


last night was fucking crazy. partayed with gabe and ivy and jeff. oh i love jeff so much!!! (and gabe and ivy too, don't get jealous)... ooooh jeff. i love him! and he had the best shirt on. it was hott with two t's. then, derek yelled at me about something... that i totally didn't even do. i don't even know what it was... very vague. apparently "one of my little gay friends" told him something? and i was like "dude, i don't trust ANY of the fucking twinkies i know with any information, and secondly, i haven't been talking to ANYONE about you. settle." only, stretch his accusation and my response into ten minutes. bah. ooooh well. for the record, i did NOT start this drama, anyone tries to blame me, i'm so gonna kick them in the teeth. cuz for once it wasn't me. then, more partaying with gabe and jeff. and we talked to their friend, who was doing a ride along with a police officer? and jeff and i are all underage and you could have gotten drunk off of our breath. ooooh it was funny. the cop was just laughing at us. then ivy and i went to bo and danny's. with a BUNCH of people. somehow, in the time it took me and ivy and treye to get to coralville, gabe made it from the bar, to coralville, and to sharon center road. which is like, in kansas, it's so far away. anywho, then ivy and i made a beer run to this guy's (who went to west, like way before me... but i LOVED HIM. and we were like "we may be condoms, but at least we aren't dicks from city!! (i'm a trojan, i'm a trojan, i'm a trooooojan from west high, well i'd rather be a condom than a dick from city high) oh he was fun.). house... and um... along the way, somehow got some geese. (ask if you really want the story.) the geese's names are george, roxie and mona. they're so cute.


i need to go to the bank. and call sears headquarters. aaaaaand... keep listening to the new stuart cd because it rules my world.


gabe, i think it's hilarious that you didn't know that the "kiss me" link was comments. you're a dork. aaah, i laughed so hard. oh my god. last night, ryan threw a bottle of water at jon. they were both working the door... i'm sorry, i love ryan and all, but i would have fucking killed him. jon, don't take so much shit from people, i saw you, you wanted to kill him, you should have! i would have helped. or like, sent in ivy. (last night, i told someone i'd fuck them up... and ivy's like "well, she'll send me to fuck you up...")

love

is the best unknown stuart song in the entire world.


i just listened to it like nine times in a row.


also, angel with two backs is GREAT. i LOVE that song. and, really, all stuart songs. yes.


if anyone wants to hear what i did saturday night, feel free to ask me... but i'm not blogging about it, because it was not very intelligent. (but, i've seen what iowa city looks like from several rooftops...)


also, i divulged a lot of information to peope that i didnt' want to know... stuff. doh. i work so hard to hide things. then i go and tell everyone my business. and apparently derek was really mean to me? who told me that? maybe derek did. today, when he was being mean to me. i should have kicked him. who else was i gonna kick? i told patrick about it... i was like "i hate her. i'm just gonna be like "come here so i can kick you in the face."" patrick doubted how effective that would be... but he took some pictures of me laying on his bed looking all sad and sick. (p.s. i have a HORRIBLE cold, and i blame adam.)


i have to go to bed, because i work tomorrow. i've been sitting downstairs here listening to stuart and bree sharp for like, an hour. i gotsa get some sleep.

bah

i feel so apathetic. i have no desire to anything except mope around.


but... i want to want to do something! (does that make sense?) but... all the people i would like to hang out with don't want to hang out with me.... while i have four billion people who i don't wanna hang out with all calling every half hour. woe. *is woeful*


i smell really nice though. i bought this new soap.... it's the best.


sooooooo boooooooooooooooooooooooooored.


stupid fooball game, taking over iowa city. grrrrrrrrrrr.


*swivels around in chair*


i just played like... nine spider solitaire games in a row. but, on the easy level, so i won all of them. it made me feel all smart. like, i'm a card playing solitaire genius! but, i dont' even know if i'm spelling solitaire correctly, so we know that's not true.


i could go look at my lines for rumors. that would be something minorly constructive i could do.


or.... i could.... continue sitting around. would anyone like to come watch friends and eat popcorn? because that's what i'm gonna do.

horrible things. well, actually just one. and not really too bad...

ok, so i get home from the bar, and am letting myself into the house, and i notice this GIGANTIC bug on the wall. like, a walking stick, or something. it was like three feet long. (ok, maybe three inches...) and like... as thick as... a cigar. a big cigar. and i'm like "eeek" so, i just try to lean away as i unlock the door... then... IT JUMPED RIGHT AT ME!! so i tried to rush inside, but i hadn't unlocked the door all the way, so i ran into it, and the screen door closed on me, and i dropped everything and woke up the dog. oh jeeze. it was awful.


aside from that i had a nice night. except for pissing thad off by not going home with him. and potentially pissing jason off for not kissing him. he's like "what happened to the old megan!?" and i'm like "dude, i NEVER kiss you." i'm always like turning my head suddenly, or being like "hey look! a door!" and running off. but then, josh got all pissy because thad kissed me. and he yelled at me. and i'm like "dude! thad's the one trying to instigate things! i'm the one who's GOING HOME ALONE" leave me alone. sheesh. people get really grouchy when i'm not a slut. poor them. i should cry for them. i'll put it on my to do list. right after "update the who's who." that way we know it will get done. i HATE all that. stupid pushy people. i mean, being pushy is one thing. but, kissing is an entirely different... um... thing. yes.


some good news, i found my favorite skirt! i'm gonna wear it on thursday. to my first rumors rehearsal/meeting, and then out to studio for our celebration. speaking of which, we have having a celebration on thursday night. we are celebrating my new job, my foot healing (kind of. i can wear high heels! i don't ahve to be short anymore!!!) , my role in rumors, and... *thinks* the (re)discovery of my favorite skirt.


oh, and the fixing of my computers.


so, derek, you still read this eh? and leave mysterious comments. i'm sad, my first derek comment was mean. *sob* not really that mean. and i just kind of assumed it was from like... dan or someone. though, really, nothing compared to the ones i get from random people. or josie and kristin. "i hope you die" "you are so ugly and stupid i hope you die" "i fucking hate you i hope you die." they're such nice girls. it's too bad i dont' get to see them more often.


summary of tonight: derek has all the high scores on run21, and made friends with someone named jorge tonight. (like patrick's fish! who i hate! but, for the record, derek didn't make friends with patricks fish... and was really avoiding jorge.) aaaaaand... he danced to cotton eyed joe. and i laughed. aaaaand i danced with trey... and rachel and tyler! i LOVE rachel and tyler. and i told tyler i would fix his coat for him. because it was missing a button. he has a show at sam's pizza on thursday... but he's gonna try to come to studio to partay. and so should you.


i should make sure heather tells stephen and darren to come.


hey heather.... would you ask stephen and darren to come? even though you can;t? (because you hate me! *cries* no, no, i forgive you.)


man, thursday's gonna be busy, i have to go with erin to get her hair cut too. and... man. craziness. and tomorrow's busy too. i have to go to the... foot doctor... aaaaand, take allie to the chiropractor... (my mom keeps trying to get me to go. and i'm like "NO.") aaaand. stuff.


i am in love with mark mcgrath from sugar ray. raaaaawr. he is so foxy. do you think he'd marry me? if i asked really nicely?


i also love johnny depp. especially in pirate form. mmmmmmm pirate. i don't think he'd marry me though. *thinks* orlando bloom maybe? speaking of celebrities that i am in love with, justin timberlake needs to break up with cameron diaz. because she frightens me. especially when she smiles. like, her mouth is going to swallow her whole face. and, she was really horrible in gangs of new york. (which i saw with paulina! (and rex and dylan!))


i'm out of mountain dew. life sucks.


aaaaandrea, i wish you'd left my shoes at ben's house. now they'er all the way back in indiana. *sigh* i can't believe i didnt' get to partay with you while you were here. that makes me sad. *is sad*


i have had something in my right eye for like.... four hours. i'm beginning to get really sick of it.

wahoo!

the downstairs computer works again! yaaaaaaay windows xp. it's great. i'm super happy. it's not quite done being fixed, but well on its way. and... after that, MY computer gets to get fixed, yaaaaaay!!!


i should really write more, but i'm tired.


i wanted to call gabe today, but i didn't. maybe i'll do it tomorrow.


i just watched the new teen girl squad. it was great.

"bring shades, she shines"

ara belle davis has arrived! about two months earlier than expected, but stuart sends word that she is well, and should be home from the hospital in a month. marci is also doing well, as is stuart himself. send some love towards boulder kids.


and, thus, in honor of ara...


Ara belle
Lying in our arms
Lying here
Listening to a chord
We've never heard before
Now
I'm just another
I'm just another
Mother brought to tears
Filled with what she hears
Breathing
Ara breathing


Breathing as the secret fell
Through the skin of Ara belle
All of us could hear our selves
In the breath of Ara belle


Ara belle
Opening her eyes
Opening a mirror next to me
Suddenly I'm free
Now
I'm just another
I'm just another
Father on his knees
Filled with what he sees
Shining
Ara shining


Shining as the secret fell
Through the skin of Arabelle
All of us could see our selves
In the lamp of Ara belle


-ara belle, stuart davis.

doh.

it's been forever since i updated.


and, DON'T worry, someone took my diet pills away while i was drunk. i have SOME smart friends. i think i know who it was... well, one of like, three people.


and if adam finds out, he'll kill me more than enough times... it'll make up for everyone else being too far away to kill me.


i had something to blog about, buy my comments distracted me.


OH!!! i got a part in rumors at city circle theatre (where we did rocky last year. yeah.) ANYwho, cassie cooper. i TOTALLY didin't think i had a chance at it... she's supposed to be like... late twenties. but, uh, we'll ignore the face that i look like... twelve. but, anyways, i'm SOOOOO excited. rehearsals start tomorrow. yay! so so so excited.


everyone needs to come see me!


also, love to stuart and marci and ara. i'm sure everything will be ok! scary, but... it'll be ok!


i've been listening to grease! alot lately. and i actually used the phrase "well that's just tough and a half" yesterday. and i was like "i must not do that again." but i bet i will.


oh hey, all of caleb's cds got stolen saturday night. WAY sad.


and adam has a sinus infection and is all sickly, also way sad.


also, i lost gabe's phone number, so i can't call him. we needed to discuss. but, it's difficult to discuss when drunk, or when i've lost his number. doh.


ok, i'm gonna go watch friends.

woe is me! *sad* *distressed* *confused*

oooooh my GOD.


tonight. gabe. aw JEEZE! who let that happen! there are people who are supposed to stop me! because i'm stupid when it comes to gabe.


caleb is my only friend, because, in the end, he stopped me.


so, tonight.... gabe, caleb, derek, graham, adam (oh my god, adam. i spend all fucking week looking for him, trying to find a minute to TALK to him and tell him something REALLY fucking important, and he walks up to me while i'm kissing gabe. oh dear god, could it be worse?!) oh. woe. wooooe is me.


jeeeeze.


i don't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of tonight, or to go cry. i figure laughing is better. because.... we all know how iget when i let myself cry. not good. nooooot good. almost as bad as part two of tonight... i was drunk enough that i was taking my diet pills in front of people and talking about them. dammit all. i've done SO well not letting anyone know i was taking them again. alas. all of my secrecy is for naught.


boooo. great evening, but horribly evening. all in one. i love jon though. and matty. he gave me a hickey. i was like "make sure it's not visable...." it's partially not visable....


oh... god. *woe*

i have like, a million comments! (well, six...) and yes ben, i am for serious playing secret of mana. and erin #2, i knoooow your link's wrong! it's because i'm really stupid. i'll go fix it immediatly. (it's kyle's fault, his underscore got confused with the tilde... and... craziness ensued. *flail*)


i'm supposed to be at sears now... i guess, but they called me. and were like "come at five!" and i was like "but, you said eleven..." and they were like "ah, we lied. five." so, i'm gonna go in at five. woot five. oh, and dude, i talked to soomeone of UIHC this morning, and they called and told me when my appointment was... but they called at like, freaking eight am. and i totally DON'T remember when the appointment is. it's in the next like, week... doh. i'll have to call and ask.


went oot and partied last night due to the fact that i can drink again (yay my foot's getting better! either it's getting better, or i'm getting tougher. grrr) i had fun. though, i don't think too much of it could be attributed to drinking. i was just in a good mood, and a lot of my friends were out, and i can dance again (YAY) and.... woo. i ran into jason (caleb's friend) in the alley. and we discussed how caleb sucks because he didn't come out last night. it was a fascinating discussion. "man, caleb's at home" "aw, that sucks." "yeah" "yeah, stupid caleb."


what else did we do? went to gabe's (the bar, not ritter's....) to see rachel.. and a really loud band was playing. uuuhm, i think that was about all. i didn't drink that much, and at last call, i was refusing drink offers. i'm like "NOOOOOO i dont' waaaant anything else." "but you're not that drunk!" " i'm relaxed, and that's where i want to be, i don't WANT to be drunk! rawr"


i told terry i'd design a new logo for him. because we were talking. and he was like "design me a new logo!" and i was like "I HATE YOUR LOGO!" and he's like "yeah, me too. make me a new one." but, eh. there's no way to rival the old alley cat logo. man. i hate stupid studio 13, i want the alley cat back!


uh, i'll stop my random ranting... although, i guess that's all any of this really is... ah well, i really haven't gotten anything else done on my list ... i moved my haircut appt to 11:30 tomorrow morning though.... ok, i'm gonna go see my dad and caleb. byeee

holy cow!

what's all this new stuff.... blogger's crazy.... but still sucking when it comes to keeping up with me typing....


WOW... i can upload stuff through blogger without having to open smartftp and all that! yaaaaay! that's exciting.


so, what's gotten done on the to do list?


- put erin's link up
- put up my howard dean graphic
- figure out what kind of new layout i want
- ask kyle's erin if she has a website... put link up...
- do laundry
- change little side bar thingy... work .. sears
- vacuum bedroom
- learn how to spell vacuum (i looked it up in the dictionary ^_^)
- put away clean clothes
- get my clothes basket from allie


so that leaves....


+ MAKE new layout....
+ upload the three picture pages i made... like, three weeks ago. (on hold until downstairs computer is fixed...)
+ update the who's who.... (alex, tom, keisha, erik, kyle's erin, (which reminds me... of my next to do), thad, thaddeus, sam, chris... and some others)
+ get postcards for postcard circle. (at fun zone, next time i'm downtown)
+ watch spiceworld with adam (asap)
+ build something to hold all my shoes... (all designed, measured, just waiting for dad to build it...)
+ buy black pants (can wait)
+ move enormous pile of books from floor to bookshelf (again, added more books to pile, didn't actually put them away...)
+ audition for rumors. (thursday)
+ training at sears (thursday)
+ get a haircut (friday, 4:30)
+ make rent road trip plans... (not terribly pressing, just figure out schedule for indy will do with andrea this weekend!)


so. that's that. only one bold thing to do tonight!! my room is clean though! minus the big pile of shoes by the futon.... and the big pile of books by the desk... i just need to organize a few things, and it'll be beeeeeeeeaautiful. for now though, i have to go to the er and have them poke my foot for awhile. i HATE going to the ER alone.... it's so lonely and boring! *sob* anyone want to come keep my company? no? well, i hate you. make me go through this alone... *cries*


i told graham that i'd come downtown for awhile tonight, but i work at 11 tomorrow, so i don't know about that. maybe just til like...12. depends on who else is going out and about. i would really like to see adam, but i bet he won't be oot. due to way too much school. unless he took care of that... (i forgot to ask when he was fixing his school situation. boo.)


though, i'd also like to play some more secret of mana. but the damn werewolves keep killing me, and i can't get past them, and i was SUPPOSED to get captured by goblins... but... the stupid goblins never captured me, so now i have to fight the werewolves... and i only have two people in my party... and... *sob* it's haaaaard.


ok, to the ER i go. wish me luck.

life lessons from liza...

1. your voice dosen't have to be good- just put a lot of power and enthusiasm behind it.
2. a scarf can make an outfit- but be sure to remove it before you perform as not to damage it, or constrict any choreography.
3. its OKAY to ad-lib! even if it is a classic.
4. if someone says your name wrong- just write a song proclaiming to the world how it is correctly said.
5. true, although crack and booze isn't GREAT for your body, it ain't all bad.
6. if you have a famous relative, make reference to him or her at every possible occasion, regardless of appropriateness.
7. dont marry your gay friends, it can only lead to heartache and weight gain.


meant to post those aaaages ago... courtesy of kyle and erin

so. blogger is still really slow... and hard to type in....


BUT.... my comments are back!!!!!!!


stupid computer and stupid blogger. if i want to type anything at all i have to do it in notepad and paste. i HATE it. rawr. but, my comments are back, so leave me a comment about how much you love me. yaaaay!


also.... here's what i've gotten done on my to do list....


-play lots of super nintendo
-eat a cheeseburger
-take trash out
-told people about howard dean
-figured out my volunteering schedule.... so... that leaves....


+ put erin's link up
+ put up my howard dean graphic
+ figure out what kind of new layout i want
+ MAKE new layout....
+ upload the three picture pages i made... like, three weeks ago.
+ update the who's who.... (alex, tom, keisha, erik, kyle's erin, (which reminds me... of my next to do), thad, thaddeus, sam, chris... and some others)
+ ask kyle's erin if she has a website... put link up...
+ get postcards for postcard circle.
+ watch spiceworld with adam
+ do laundry (i did SOME laundry...)
+ build something to hold all my shoes... (i came up with a design for it, and got measurements...)
+ buy black pants
+ move enormous pile of books from floor to bookshelf (i actually ADDED to the enormous pile of books. doh.)
+ audition for rumors. (thursday and friday)
+ training at sears (thursday)
+ change little side bar thingy... work .. sears fine jewelry (with erin!!!!!!!)
+ make rent road trip plans...
+ get a haircut (tomorrow or friday)
+ vaccuum bedroom
+ learn how to spell vaccuummmm
+ put away clean clothes
+ get my clothes basket from allie


bold is what i'm gonna try to do tonight.

to do.

+ put erin's link up
+ put up my howard dean graphic
+ figure out what kind of new layout i want
+ MAKE new layout....
+ upload the three picture pages i made... like, three weeks ago.
+ update the who's who.... (alex, tom, keisha, erik, kyle's erin, (which reminds me... of my next to do), thad, thaddeus, sam, chris... and some others)
+ ask kyle's erin if she has a website... put link up...
+ get postcards for postcard circle.
+ play lots of super nintendo
+ watch spiceworld with adam
+ do laundry
+ build something to hold all my shoes...
+ buy black pants
+ take out garbage
+ figure out my dean volunteering schedule, my canvassing schedule, my phone calling days.... and... such.
+ tell YOU to go check out dean for america
+ move enormous pile of books from floor to bookshelf
+ audition for rumors.
+ training at sears
+ change little side bar thingy... work :: sears fine jewelry (with erin!!!!!!!)
+ make rent road trip plans...
+ eat a cheeseburger.

secret of mana...

is the best game ever. that's all.


see, i have nothing to say, but i don't like it when i go for days without updating. thus... very stupid, short, pointless updates.


also, i watched sweet home alabama earlier this evening.... and cried. like four times. *sigh* i'm a dork.

*distressed*

i don't know how to do this crush business. *sigh*

Grrr.

i hate how slow blogger is being. i can type like four sentences before they show up on the screen. so if there are a lot of typos, blame it on thata. because i'im in the mood to blog a lot....


ok. i'm gonna do it in notepad....


*sigh* blogger is being stupid. i thought it was aol. but it's not.


anyhow. i could SWEAR that i blogged last night. but it's not there!! *woe*


so, last night i went to studio and did not have fun. (well,i had SOME fun, but i'll highilght that later.) man, i can't type tonight.


ok, so i went oot last night. aaaaand.... hung out with jenna. i was GOING to hang out with heather and steve and their friend darren...but... derek was being drunk in their general vicinity. so... i did other stuff. but, i really hope i get to hang out with them sometime! because they all seem really cool! but, it's not my place to try to force my way through... stuff like that. better to sit back... and not have draaama. i didn't really do too much, because i couldn't dance at at aaall... *sad* stupid foot! but, i had an ok time.


la, after close, i hung out in the alley waiting to meet some people (who never showed up. rawr.) and i promised like nine people that i would come to afterhours parties... but... i didn't. oh well. so, jenna and i waited for my friends. and they didn't come because they HATE ME! *cries* but caleb came by. but, i'm not allowed to ever speak of that again. then derek came by. and i was like "oh! you just missed meeting caleb! sad." and he was sad. but then he made me feel his arm. and i was like "um... ... ooh. aaarm...?" and he's like "no hair!" and i'm like "ah... how... interesting?" and apparently he's doing a triathalon? and apparently someone was spiking his drinks all night(?) ... yeah.... it was strange... anywho, so then it was past time for my friends to get there, but jenna and i are cheap. so we waited til we could get out of the ramp for free. wooooo freeee. then we went to wal mart. and i bought some pipe cleaners. oh! before we went to walmart, adam and jon combined forces to get me a sparkly star from the sign.... (adam had to lift jon up in the air...) THEN, jon went and got me a sparkly foam star.... then he left... and he's like "are those pigeons!? *walks over to them* no. they're beer cans. nice."


then i came home. and i SWEAR i blogged about everything. in a very long detailed blog. but it is no where to be seen. ssaaaaaaaad.


OH!! KYLE, ERIN, AND ALEX!!! october 7th is rent in indianapolis. and you should all come. and we'll have a hip time. and we'll stay with aaaaaandrea. it'll be GRRRRRREAT!


auditions for rumors are this week. eep. rod and i talked about them for awhile the other night. he talked me BACK into auditioning. meeep.


i went back to the ER today. and they didn't take my stitches out. jerks! i have to go back in two days. though, while i was there i saw this hoochie (she was telling the triage person that she'd just been hanging out... but she had like... the SHORTEST skirt on. it was made out to sweatshirt material though, i guess you MIGHT not want sweatpants, and would prefer for your ass to hang out...) girl who was a student at the university.... who apparently drank some sort of cleaning chemical because she thought it was cream soda. i was like "and you're a student in COLLEGE?! oh god." so, just so you know, the future of america is REALLY stupid....


also, a family of five.... one of their kids was apparently getting stitches.... and needed the rest of the family to fight loudly in the waiting room while he was gettting them. but, it was ok, because i had my copy of rumors... aaand... i read the howard dean article in time magazine.


and now i'm gonna go to the drag show. dena cass... haven't seen her in FOREVER.

STUPID comments! aaaaaagh!

ok, so tuesday now. riiiiiiiight. but it's ok, because i have matt caplan. *listens to matt*


but, good news.... i can walk! (kind of, more accurately... limp. in an ozzy osbourne type fashion.) i was really surprised by this development. they said that i prolly wouldn't be able to even stand on it for another week at least. but... after i nearly died due to allison's inability to put crap away... i made the discovery that i can walk. wooot. go me. and i even called and asked the doctor if i shouldn't.... and she said it's ok. woooo. so... now i can hobble around the house without crutches while bored out of my mind. rather than with crutches.


i was just watching some teeeeeen giiiiirl squaaaaaad today. (while looking sooooooo gooood!) but, then, the downstairs computer died a very painful death. and i really don't think it's coming back. i did my very best to transfer all the important files i could to cd as it was dying... but only halfway succeeded. they're all on a cd, but it died before i could make it readable in any cd rom. so it's only readable on cd writers with adaptec software. but... better than having lost them all entirely. especially since i could just move the burner from downstairs up here, and install adaptec. though, for upstairs. ... internet explorer refuses to open new windows. it's REALLY annoying.


so, with the downstairs computer dead.... i have no mp3s... (this computer has no soundcard..) aaaand no curtis videos!! (btw, curtis in hi-5 vids are on cc.com go check em out.) and noooo strongbad! or teen girl squad! *sob* i'm gonna go invade ben's house to watch curtis and strongbad and such. not like i dont' already have a ton of my mp3s there.... yes.


i may go out tomorrow night. (technically tonight) for a little while at least. early in teh evening. like, maybe see if someoen will go with me before nine to avoid cover... then just hang out til like.. 11 or midnight at the very latest. since i can't dance, and can't drink.... i just want to go out to see my friends. so i miss TERRIBLY. *sob* even though i've seen most of the ones i really care about at least three times since this happened.


alright. i'm gonna finish listening to matt caplan.... who is making me sad. as well as angsty... *sniffle* everything i've ever done, i've done because i loved you. aawwww matt. *pats head* poooor sad matt. i'll listen to cookie jar... which, although more upbeat, still demonstrates how tough it must be to be matt caplan.

i look sooooooooo good!

You're "Cheerleader". You love
cheerleading, Le Girl magazine, and looking so
good! You are popular and the leader of Teen
Girl Squad.


Which Member of Teen Girl Squad are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

stupid comments.

suuuuuure, fixed on wednesday. riiiiiiiight. yeah, so.... NEXT monday. uuuugh. i miss my comments so much. i'm ready to go look elsewhere for a new commenting dealie... but i guess you get what you pay for. that doesn't make me any less pissed off though.


the dean meet up tonight was excellent. there was another guy on crutches... only he hurt his foot volunteering for dean.... and howard dean actually signed his cast. we're going to form "gimps for dean" ... i think it's a winning idea. really i do.


so bored today.... until erin came and played mario kart with me for a few hours. then i went to the meet up, and limped around the mill... then i came home... and watched some will and grace. then i got online... and now that online is boring, i'm gonna go back to watching teevee, and maybe eat something, because i've been dieting for like a week, and i'm in a grouchy mood, and going to eat everything in the world. including carla. though, my diet has been ... sort of successful. not hugely, but i haven't really been trying, and i can't exercise, so i'm not surprised at all ^_^ oooooh well. i KNOW that i still look thin guys, but don't bitch at me, because i am a lot heavier, and *I* can tell, i dont care if you can or not.... i'm really not entirely sure where the extra ten pounds is.... since all of my clothing still fits... and the stuff that was too big is still too big.... but... it's not muscle.... and i want it to go away... plus maybe five more pounds... so that when my foot's better and i'm riding my bike... and my thigh muscles get all overly huge... my pants still fit. that always happens.... i start biking, and my thighs and ass get all tight and muscley... and none of my pants fit me. and it makes me sad. because i like pants a lot.


yeah, so, all that said, i'm gonna go eat something. since.. today... i've had.... two pepsis.... and.. some popcorn. and three glasses of water. and i'm hungry.

vintage rob3t2

an excerpt from rob's blog.... circa last ... november? i wanna say? i think i may be desperatly wrong. oh well. it made me smile, and also want to cry. i miss my rob.


"well, i was talking to an old friend of mine tonight for the first time in a looooong time (it's nice to talk to old friends over holidays) about a mutual friend who happens to be beautiful (in a number of ways to be sure but we are talking singular exterior). and as i was talking to the first friend she mentioned that the second friend is uncomfortable about the fact that everyone mentions her exteriors. it is as if her identity is her face and body, and some people don't bother to look beyond the wrapping (i guess, not having actually talked to her about it). friend one told me that this upsets friend two a great deal sometimes and i realized i had mentioned her exteriors in an email, along with a number of other things about her, all in a positive "you are the absolute bomb" kind of way. but after friend one told me about friend two's situation i felt a tsunami of guilt, because i felt like i might have objectified her too, plus i do guilt well, and felt pretty awful for a while.


but upon further consideration, i realized that all of us have a curriculum to God in that we all have life circumstances that cause us to flex our spiritual/emotional muscles and un-contract the ego however we can do it. some people are not beautiful, some are. some people are geniuses, some struggle with remedial intellectual challenges, etc. whatever the duality, you are somewhere on the continuum, and people who do not see well (especially those who are a long way from you on the continuum) are going to see that as who you are, and may not like you for it. but OF COURSE you are not that.


i write well, and can barely figure out instant messaging. but really, is it worth the energy to care about what anyone thinks about me on either one? if you attach onto other people's opinions, what is the likelihood you will suffer?


back to friends one and two:


i love you both immensely...
but don't get too attached to that...
cos i'll love you more tomorrow.


awwwwwwwwwwww, wasn't that sweet of me?!


plus there is only One subject, so you are only talking to God (or yourself). why worry if God thinks you're pretty? he fucking made you that way for a reason, even if the minions and masses resist.


all that said, i still read the comments and hope for praise :)
d and k, tell me how hot i am again! "


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


i remember thinking "wow, that's how i feel...." and not realizing he was talking to kismet about me.... oh, back in the day. *sigh*

must... not.... cry...

heather is sad enough for both of us tonight. oh, drunkeness is an awful essential for the 21st birthday... i hope she's feeling better... and that tom figured out whether or not she lost her purse.... and... that they got ahold of derek to make sure she was doing ok..... and... yes.


in hindsight, i was insisting on going out because it was heather's birthday.... but i doubt she even remembered me being there... ah, well, in all honesty, i was also going because i knew both derek and gabe would be there, and i wanted to gauge how over each of them i really was (it was an experiment!). i was really surprised by how that panned out. good news is... i'm over derek. which i knew. but... uh, yes. dammit alll. now i have like, four (million)... factors that are making me rather miserable. my foot and financial situation included (can't walk, can't work...). i hate straight men so much... (that's why i only date the gay ones. har har har. oh but it's true ...*sob*) but.... really i do. i don't want a serious boyfriend. i don't even want.... a ... uh.... "casual boyfriend" but.... i'm so pathetic and lonely! aaaaagh. liz may have been closer than she thought with the lesbian idea.... ooooh but it's not so bad. it could be MUCH worse, i can definitely live with this, and if i'm careful, it'll go away entirely and i'll be left with only my current woes. which are many. and i still haven't been able to talk to adam at all. part of me is absolutely terrified that he's mad at me.... and purposefully avoiding and not speaking to me. i am going to bo so unbelievably sad if that's the case. because adam is one of the best human beings i have ever met.


i was only out for about forty five minutes, when gabe and i got bored of sending gay men to hit on JJ's boyfriend (though, that was ALOT of fun.... we were sitting at the end of the table... just watching. goodtimes.).... and left. then, as i was leaving, i saw caleb and jason and dick (who is a friend of my dad's who is in town....). so, i should have just ignored them, and gone home.... but i said hi... and ended up staying.... and then, supposedly got in trouble. but i think my dad didn't really care. i talked to him. he's like "you're hurt. stay home." and said he'd take my keys away, but he really was rather non threatening, and didn't REALLY seem to care. and i'm like ... uh, there's a cut in my foot. yeah, it sucks, but i'm ok.... and i'm going to KILL myself if i spend another day at home with only my mom and sister.... i can't be alone like this. seriously, i'm about to cry just thinking about it and putting it into words. i am so lonely and... just... i feel worthless sitting at home.... writing, and drawing and reading.... i love doing all of those things, but i cannot do them by myself twenty four hours a day.... i feel like.... out of everyone i know... erin is the only friend who has made any sort of effort to actually keep me company. oh my god, i cannot start crying about being lonely, i know that if i start crying over ANYTHING i am going to be a horrible wreck. and i don't need that. i haven't cried at ALL in the past like... two months. normally, i cry quite a bit. a little over emotional. but most of you are well aware of that. (ok, i did cry when i cut my foot. but that was hysterical oh-my-god-there's-a-huge-hole-in-my-foot kind of crying. not oh-my-god-i-hate-it-here-and-can't-admit-it-to-myself crying....)


caleb and i bonded tonight. i think he's right about alot of stuff. but, about finding love in a coffee shop, not a bar.... while he's right... if i were looking for love of any kind, i would not be in the gay bar. also, coffee shop people often don't like me. or, they refer to me as "a girl like you"... as if i'm a different species than coffee shop girls... i don't want another guy who looks at me as "oh my god what a catch, i'm so lucky to have found a girl like her " ... maybe i'm bizarre in not wanting to be worshiped... but it creeps me out.


guys.... am i *pause* under-reacting? i mean.... i've maced guys down town, i've HIT guys downtown... i've now had a bottle thrown at me downtown... (actually, i had that happen before, but they missed before...) i have put up with every nasty pick up line, and sleazy guy trying to touch me.... and... it's not a big deal to me. i'm just... like... they're fuckers. and all that is... nothing. do you guys think that maybe i shouldn't hang out downtown? but... this doesn't happen to other girls... it all happens to me... do i have a beacon that says... "i'm unwilling, please come after me then get mad"? i worry about all the girls who hang out at the regular bars. do they have all this times ten? or all they all just easy? because, i can't believe that they're ALL easy... easy girls don't get shit from people... but, i suppose they do get STD's... and it'd really rather have a cut in my foot than say.... syphillis. (which, by the way, there was a special about on PBS tonight. i watched part of it, but it was really gross. but then, the remote wouldn't work, and they were showing a guy who died from it and was all bloody and gross, and i couldn't change the channel... and i was like "aaaaaaaaah!" uh, < / random sidenote >)


but there's a howard dean meet up tomorrow at the mill! and i'm so so super exciiiited! if you're one of the people i sent a random howard dean email too.... please consider at least checking out what he stands for. i am so 100% for this guy.... go read about him... really. do.


the worst part of this whole foot drama... (aside from not walking...) is that my foot is ALWAYS freezing cold now. *shiver*


*sigh* will someone please call me or come visit me tomorrow? i will cry if i have another day like today. one can only play so many sega and super nintendo games on one's computer... (i heart emulators...)

*sniffle*

ooooh my poooooor neglected blog...


i should be blogging alot, since i can't walk or do anything else... (though i drove today! go me!) but, since i can't do anything, all i've been up to is watching movies.... and occasionally changing the bandage on my foot. and, i'll bet none of you want to hear about that. because it's really really gross. *sniffle* i don't think it's ever going to heal. if you could come over and look at my foot, you'd agree with me.


i'm gonna go to bed.


happy 21st birthday heather!

party (sorta)

if you would like to come over tomorrow and watch a movie, you are all very welcome to. give me a call at home. patrick's coming (with ivy and ryan!!) aaand i invited heather. and anyone who's reading this. come over! it'll be a blast. and, if it isn't, at least you'll get to see the giant gaping hole in my foot. which is pretty cool. and by cool, i mean gross.