*sigh*

i feel...
hurt
sad
sick
empty
tired
confused
detached
lost


i don't know. i guess it's not "things can always get worse" it's "things always get worse." i don't know. i'm just glad i finally got some sleep. i feel better after having slept. i guess the whole emotions causing actual physical pain thing hits alot harder when you haven't slept. i really don't want to talk about this (if you ask why i'm writing this, or what caused this, i'm not going to tell you. so don't ask.) but i think i need to? but i don't know how? because the only person i can maybe talk to is ben. and i don't want to call him to ask if he'll listen to me cry. i don't know.


i just went through my archives and read a bunch of really sad posts, so i could be like "it's not that bad, you'll be ok." and i decided that this is that bad, but that i'm whiny. i also discovered that yeah, i got happy after stuff, but then,a month later, there's just something else.


it's not really that bad. i guess. i mean there's nothing wrong here. iowa city's fine and happy, and everything happening in my life here is fine and happy. i just feel like ... as cheesy as it sounds... broken. and i know i'm all pathetic and sad and distracted, because i feel like i'm in slow motion.


so, i'm gonna do all my homework today during the day, and go get a bottle of vodka at seven or so. anyone want to join me? misery loves company.