Networks Change Format of Presidential Debates

Networks Change Format of Presidential Debates



Now Less Boring, Informative



Citing reasons of insatiable greed for higher ratings, network executives have unanimously agreed to change the format of the presidential debates. NBC spokesman Tyler Perry described the upcoming debate with glee. "We're going to put Kerry and Bush on a desert island and leave them there for a month with nothing but their talking points. Whichever one survives gets a Purple Heart and is declared winner of the debate. To make things interesting, two weeks in we'll drop off Ralph Nader with a blowgun and a box of Twinkies." Student John Li '07 told The B&S he was excited about the debates, saying, "I heard Kerry caught a fish using his shoelaces and American flag lapel pin. How sweet is that? Plus, now that Friends is over, I need something to fill the void in my life."

The vice presidential debate will also be significantly changed from its past incarnations. Vice President Cheney and Senator Edwards will each receive extensive plastic surgery and then compete in a humiliating pageant.

"Both men will be beautiful, but only one will become... the Vice President, " said CBS executive Marie Reilly.

Senator Edwards is highly favored to win the debate.

Political science Professor Jack Roberts was dismayed by the changes. "There go the last remnants of intelligent discourse in this country. If anyone needs me, I'll be getting drunk and watching old tapes of C-SPAN."

However, many Americans were pleased with the new debates. Jai Rodriguez, one of the less-funny members of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's "Fab Five," told The B&S , "I'm looking forward to the debates. I hope they give Edwards a facial scrub. He could be cute as a button if he just tried."

Party officials hope that the new debates will get more Americans involved with the political process. However, this is unlikely, as a recent poll suggests that 67% of Americans with a 3% margin of error are unaware that this is an election year.

renata at frowl org

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