Critics Allege Gays Will Tear Down Institution of Marriage, Darby Gymnasium

GRINNELL-- Debate has been raging over the issue of civil unions and marriages for gays and lesbians, and some claim that increased recognition of gay rights has led to the impending destruction of Darby Gymnasium. "It's a sign of the times," said the Reverend Jerry Falwell. "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say, 'you helped this happen. You destroyed Darby.'" Some critics have been even less sanguine.

"Damn you gays. First you take my sanctity of marriage, and now you have destroyed my beloved Darby. Damn you!" said a basketball fan who wished to remain nameless. Adding online, "the hordes of gays and lesbians will tear down my house too, with their bare hands and attractive boots."

The Christian Coalition has issued a statement saying only, "We fear change."
Student Jane Vess said, "I just don't see the connection. They're tearing down Darby because it's old, and they're building the new campus center and athletic center. To blame it on gay marriage just seems really bizarre and paranoid to me. Besides, everyone knows that the real reason it's being torn down is that the board of trustees sold out to the man." When asked to elaborate on this, she said only, "Damn the man!"

Another student, who wished to remain anonymous, was not so skeptical. "I don't know... it seems awfully suspicious that when Massachusetts starts allowing gay marriages, Darby gets knocked down. Besides, I don't think you can ignore the continued gay-ification of the construction industry. Damn those Village People!"

When asked for comment regarding a possible gay marriage-Darby connection, a spokesperson from the ACLU said only, "That's fucking ridiculous."

Other possible theories regarding the downfall of both Darby and civilization as we know it have been articulated by a host of right-wing pundits. These explanations include witches, illegal immigrants, the 13th Amendment, and Jews poisoning all the wells.

renata at frowl org

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