Valentine's Day Crappy Poetry Corner!

"Ode to Margaret Sanger"
Nothing's hotter than safe sex
(Who wants child support checks?)
So I'd like to tell you about Margaret Sanger
Because man, do I want to bang her
She was a feminist pioneer
Got birth control from France to here
She fought for women's choice
And gave the lower class a voice.
Some people say she's a racist jerk
But that theory doesn't work.
And even if that were true
She still helped make it safe to screw.
So now you know about the object of my lust
Tragically, her bones have turned to dust.
I'll be seeking another girl
So c'mon, let's give it a whirl!

Let me count the ways I love thee:
One one two three five thirteen
To use the sequence of Fibonacci
Or maybe binary will say what I mean:
one, one zero, one one, one zero zero
Like a mobius strip, our love is endless
Would you meet me for a gyro?
Later we could play some chess
My love approaches infinity
And increases exponentially
So please, won't you call me?
My number is x five-squared seven three.

"Ode to Count Otto con Bismark"
Your eyes are like two stars,
You're a better ruler than the czars
I love you so much
I'm glad you're not Dutch.
You're better than the Nanny,
The way you unified Germany*
T love you in the light and in the dark
My dearest Count Otto von Bismarck.


* say "gerMANY" instead of "GERmany"

"Baby, I wanna pollinate you all night long"
My love, you are as beautiful as a flower
We met in bio, you returned my gaze with a glower
But with my flashy petals, I'll soon win you
And see your sepals covered with dew
You'll love me despite the social skills I lack
My pollen grains will reach your egg sac,
(That is, if nothing goes wrong)
And I'll pollinate you all night long
With protection, your ovary won't bear fruit
But the seeds of our love will take root.

"Ode to John Stamos"
This Valentine's Day, I hope you'll be mine
There's no one else I could adore
On Full House, you looked so fine
Re-runs make me want you even more
So your Broadway career failed
Maybe you shouldn't have done Cabaret
Even if by the critics you weren't hailed
I really still think you did okay
Some say you're past your prime
Or even that you're weird and gross
But you can call me collect anytime
Please, give me a chance, John Stamos

"Ode to the Pink Power Ranger"
They say dreams of flying are really about sex
So what does a dream of a pterodactyl say?
Sure, they're not as mighty as the T-Rex
But they're special in their own way.
This I think as Kimberly calls upon them
She's so hot in her pink costume
A Mighty Morphin' power femme
So every day, I watch kids TV in my room
Please don't point your finger at me
She's legal, I'm no pervert
But what wouldn't I give to see
The Pink Power Ranger without her shirt?



renata at frowl org

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