Title: Genesis
Author: Christine (vigeland@grinnell.edu)
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
Pairing: Jim Kirk/Carol Marcus
Rating: PG
Notes: All of the characters in this fic are the brainchild of Gene Roddenberry and the Star Trek franchise. This is entirely based on the events of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (one of the best Star Trek movies ever). So you should see it. The title comes from a quote that Carol says in the movie. Anyway, this is a gift to my first fandom. O’ the love.

When he left, there was no note.

It surprised her; she expected at least a long letter explaining once more his reasons for leaving her. Jim never liked to let anything like that go unsaid. He was afraid that if he didn’t get her to understand why he was leaving her, she would never forgive him and think he was an asshole forever. What Jim didn’t understand though was that she needed to remember him as an asshole, at least for a while.

Their courtship had been whirlwind, and like a whirlwind, it left quite a mess when it ended. For weeks after he left, Carol picked up the remnants of them around her apartment – photographs, ticket stubs, a few shirts of his. Each time she found something she went through the angst-ridden, teenage routine of deciding whether to throw it away or not; and each time she wound up hiding it away in the back of her closet.

She hated herself for being like this. Carol Marcus was a brilliant scientist, not some smitten kitten. He made her feel like the whole world was new. All of those insecure impulses that she had hidden behind her schoolwork as a child came roaring out. Jim was the first person she had allowed to see her sensitive side. Everyone else got the brilliant and arrogant side, the side who was too busy discovering the secrets of life to bother with one of her own.

A couple of months after he left though, she found something that changed their situation entirely. A routine physical revealed that she was pregnant, and in an impulsive move, she sent Jim a brief communiqué relaying that information. His response was forceful and immediate.

“Carol. You…you’re…you’re pregnant?” The recorded image of Jim Kirk’s confused face greeted her when she came home one evening from another late night at the lab. “That’s wonderful. Incredible. I’m due back on Earth in five weeks. We’ll talk more then.” In the background, the computer’s voice summoned Jim to the bridge. “I have to go. I love you.” He said the last part as an afterthought.

The messages came every two or three days, always sent at the same time. Carol was careful to be away when he tried to contact her to avoid the awkward conversation she knew was coming. For a brilliant Starfleet office Jim was still an Iowa boy and had some antiquated ideas about marriage and family. Jim’s mother had waited behind raising the children while Jim’s father gallivanted around the galaxy in Starfleet and tried to get home a few times a year. Carol didn’t want that kind of life for her and her child, but she knew that Jim believed that would be best.

So she listened to them each night. Each night she fell asleep dreaming about marrying Jim and living happily ever after with him, and by morning the dream had turned into a nightmare.

There was no note when she left him. She didn’t want to have to deal with the mess that any communication with Jim would bring. If he begged her to marry him – for David’s sake of course – then her resolve would crumble, as it always did around him. He was the most charming man she had ever met, and more than that, he was the most loving and passionate. She knew that he would never allow her to raise David without the perfect nuclear family or at least the semblance of one. They would be trapped in a marriage with plenty of love but no time. No, it was better this way. When he returned to Earth for the next shore leave, he would find her moved without so much as a forwarding address. Perhaps someday they would meet again, but for now, she was leaving all the hopes of them behind.

-- fin

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