Title: The Day
Author: IDreamOfAJ (gmlsinaz@juno.com)
Fandom: The West Wing
Pairing: CJ/Toby
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Written for Renata’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover Challenge.
This is my “worst case scenario” for them.
Special thanks to Angie for listening to my ramblings about the version of this story that won’t ever see the light of day. You’re too dear, darling. And this is for you.

The day she decided that she would leave him was a day like any other.

The habits they had formed since leaving the White House were well ingrained after only a year. Eleven months, she reminded herself. But their routine seldom varied. They were both up too early for their current positions. His first class didn’t start until ten and she didn’t have to be at the PR firm until nine. But they still woke up around five, an hour before the alarm would go off. And everyday he would grumble because she, as it was always somehow her responsibility, hadn’t turned the damn thing off. And he would hear the beeps from the kitchen and yell for her to turn it off. Lately she had been waiting longer than was necessary to turn it off.

He would make coffee and they would sit in silence reading the newspapers until something touched a nerve with him and she would listen and throw in an occasional nod while he ranted about the way things were supposed to be done. Sometimes he would go back to quietly reading after venting his frustrations with the current administration. Sometimes though he would be sufficiently enraged to get on the phone and tell Josh the way to fix it. She always felt a little sorry for Josh during those phone calls. But, she also silently thanked him for at least pretending that these calls were of value to him.

The day she decided that she would leave him there was no phone call to Josh.

Their morning chatter rarely involved politics anymore. Instead he would complain about the appalling lack of grammar in today’s college students. Or their inability to convey a coherent thought in a sentence longer than three words. She rarely spoke of her job because they both felt it was beneath her and she had always been more adept at hiding contempt. He never asked what she was doing or how it was going.

She always left before him in the mornings. At least, during the week. Her celebrity when they had offered her a job she swore she would never do again had afforded her a few perks, and the car that arrived to take her to work was always waiting by a quarter after eight. Sometimes he would ask her when she was going to start commuting like a normal person. Sometimes he would ask for a ride into town if he had errands to do before class. They never said “I love you” when they parted for the day, but every once in awhile he would brush her temple with his lips.

The day she decided that she would leave him he did not kiss her goodbye.

Her days at work were exercises in monotony. She had pursued her degrees thinking that public relations was something she could do, something she’d be good at doing. And she had been. She still was. But, she had realized with her first job in the industry that it wasn’t something she liked very much. In fact, she didn’t like it all. The end of the administration had brought a chance to do something and she felt she’d wasted that chance. Jed Bartlet had spoiled her for other politicians. Even Josh’s belief that the current president was the next real thing couldn’t sway her. She had always believed that you only found “the one” once. And they had.

So she spent her days spinning things that didn’t matter to her. And trying to think of the life she’d lost last January. She preferred the days with meetings stacked on meetings because she didn’t have the time to analyze all the ways in which her life hadn’t gone the way she’d hoped. The days when she had too much time to think meant that she browsed the internet looking for other jobs in other states, though she could never really bring herself to ask why she never looked in New York. Sometimes, if she was feeling particularly morose she would Google herself or him. Sometimes she didn’t feel guilty when her name came back with more results.

The day she decided that she would leave him she found a job opening with Emily’s List in San Francisco.

They both could cook if it was required, but neither seemed willing to give up the habit of take out food. She would call him at home before she left work. She tried not to feel envious that his days were shorter than hers. He would tell her if he had picked something up or if she needed to stop on the way home. Most days it was up to her to get dinner. Her driver was used to the detours and always managed a recommendation if they weren’t getting food from one of their regular haunts.

He would put dinner on the table while she changed out of the nylons and into her sweats or pajama pants. They would eat with the sound of CNN coming from the living room and he would tell her about the students he had terrorized that day. She would listen and smile. Sometimes she would wonder if he hated teaching as much as she hated PR. Sometimes she would tell him a joke she’d heard just to see him smile.

The day she decided that she would leave him she didn’t tell him anything.

After dinner they would usually drift apart. He would go into the study to grade papers or stare at blank sheets of paper that held his unwritten book somewhere between the lines on them. She would watch an old movie on TCM or read a book. She would almost always go to bed before him, but she would go into the study and kiss him on the top of his head before she did.

He would come to bed shortly after, or hours later, depending on his mood. If he came in quickly it meant that they would be having sex. She had stopped thinking of it as making love after their third month in the city. She had started to realize that they came together out of habit and perhaps a sense of continuity. But, that neither of them had really carried the love they once thought they’d shared so many years ago. Sometimes he could take her higher than the stars. Sometimes she would force herself not to climax just for spite.

The day she decided that she would leave him she let herself come.

They had never been the type of couple to indulge in murmuring sweet nothings. They never actually said “I love you” to each other. She realized that they never had. Their feelings were conveyed in gestures. And for most of their time together that had been enough. The silence after the sex had never been heavy.

Until that day.

She did the only thing she could given the decision she’d made that day. She explained to him that she needed more, professionally and personally. She told him her theory that they had been each other’s lifeboats. But they had hit land months ago and maybe it was time to get out of the boat and get on with their lives. She wasn’t sure whether or not she was grateful for his quiet acceptance. She was pleased that he demanded she call him as soon as she got off the plane. She promised she would.

The day after she decided that she would leave him she packed her bags. And she left.

Get yourself free